August Newsletter

Dear Beloveds,

I shared in last month’s newsletter that I bought a home. What I noticed about the process for me is that it is very masculine. Lots of paper work, signatures, quick decisions, striving, and lateral movements. Then moving into my home was also a very masculine activity. Lots of lifting, organizing, sorting, putting away…and more striving. I noticed throughout the journey it became difficult for me to stay connected to my inner feminine.

Then towards the middle of the journey I started to feel grumpy. I was irritated, angry and tired. I looked to see what was happening and realized I’d been stuck in hyper production mode for months and had completely shut down my inner feminine. I was asking my masculine to do so much I felt like I had to turn off my feminine in order to get it done. So I put a lid on my feelings and needs and got to work.

Being on the other side of this period, I really don’t recommend using this strategy. Although our ego’s have been trained to believe in a do-or-die mentality, we absolutely can complete tasks and be productive through ease and flow, more productive actually. I really got to see – once again – how the practices of pushing and forcing have been conditioned within me and how they tear down my whole world – physical health, positive mentality, connected & empathy-based relationships, and more. This experience really did a number on me so I’ve been contemplating a lot about what happens when we shut the inner feminine down and don’t give her space to emote, express, rest or relax.

Well, in my case she starts to feel overwhelmed, scared, scattered, withdrawn and an anxious mess and has needs for emotional safety, security, to be heard, and to be understood. But since I shut her down, I couldn’t access these feelings and didn’t even know what her needs were because I took away her spot. I told her she needed to go away so that I could get shit done. How often have we been trained to do this as women and men? This is instilled in our culture. That accomplish and doing exceeds all else and is where all of our value lives. This type of thinking and acting is highly detrimental. The blow back after this experience is that my inner feminine was really separated from me, and hurt and needed MUCH MORE NURTURING than if I’d just been doing a little bit here and there all along. 

I even went so far as to pull back energetically from women friends and sister circles so that I could stay in my strong suited masculine and drive the car. I knew if I began talking about it to my ladies, they’d call me out and my unhealthy-masculine methods would be exposed. 

But what makes the masculine unhealthy? What drives it into that category? When there isn’t a teaching, honoring, and experience of the feminine wisdom held within a mind. When we don’t allow boys to cry. When we don’t allow women to make their own choices about their bodies. When we say only men can do a certain job. When we don’t have women in politics. When we think our only value is in what we give and what we do. 

I know learning and honoring my inner feminine will be a lifelong journey for me. I’ve recently gotten back into dancing to help restore her and provide her a creative outlet for expression. I can already feel it making a difference in that I feel softer, sensual, more creative, open and trusting to the flow of life. 

Tune back in next month when I’ll share about my return to Dance, my first love. (after my parents;)

To book some 1:1 time with me, click HERE.

In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,

Workshops & Trainings this Year:

Healer’s Level 1: How to Channel. Sept 30 – Oct 2. Click HERE for more info.

Energy Healing Training: Oct 21 – 23. Click HERE for more info.

July Newsletter

Dear Beloveds,

I’ve been in the midst of a very large and new transition, I put down roots in Kansas City and bought a house.

This process was challenging from the beginning that’s had me present to being “on edge.” The experience has felt like walking the edge of a major learning curve in completely new territory. I was aware that there were a lot of lessons to be learned because nothing moved with ease or grace. It was the exact opposite. Everything had an element of difficulty.

My realtor told me on 3 different occasions that “she had never seen this before in her 18 years of being a realtor.” I bitterly smirked and chuckled, yeah, sounds like my type of life experiences. I get that a lot. My calling requires me to have a ton of experiences in many types of emotion so that I can develop expertise in human feelings. This past year has been filled with odd, strange, and never-seen-before footage. It’s been a lot of chaos and I’ve been learning to just embrace it and see it as fertilizer for the garden. 

One teacher of mine says it’s part of the mass awakening we are going through on planet Earth. Empaths and awoke folks understand this is necessary for our healing and return to love. It seems like everything is being constantly stirred, and turned on its head. Nothing stays still for long and I can hear my guides telling me to loosen my grip around perfection and control.

Upon making such a large purchase, all my OCD rose to the surface as I feared “fucking it up.” I have wondered what in the hell am I doing and questioned if I’m making the “right” choice. Then I would hear, “well, it’s not certain this is the ‘right’ choice, but it’s a choice.” You said you didn’t want to live under other people’s will and control anymore and you wanted to make your own living choices, right? Well here it is. I was reminded to let go of right/wrong conditioning, and I kept hearing to just make one. To choose fully and not look back. This was a super scary initiation for me, I’ve never put down roots because I fear commitment – I always make sure I have a way out!

This strategy felt expired though so I continued to “keep going” and so in blind faith, kept at the grueling process of connecting my free-Spirited-gypsy-soul to the physical plane. What I’ve gotten from this is the awareness of how many lifetimes I’ve been a runner. I’ve ran and fled from pillaged and burning villages, battles between regions in Egypt and ancient Greece. I saw a past life of my gypsy heart nomading around South America, using my body as a resource to live….I recall times living as a secret bodhisattva in Tibet, having to pray for peace underground as dictating rulers only gave allowance for one approved religion. Remembrance of all of these lives come in waves as I tune into the topic. Spirit showing me how conditioned my nervous system is to flee out of survival.

I’ve literally been a runner in this life as well, running on sports teams and in races from middle school to my late 20’s. Dropping the activity for about 8 years as I got tired of it, and picking it back up recently. Haha, I’m seeing that this was to create balance. If I can no longer run away from my location and the issues connected to it, I’m going to give myself an outlet to run-out my issues. Different use of the same tool. The first had an intention to “run-away” from the pain, the second’s intention was a way to “run-through” it and let it “run-through” my body. Everything is symbolic and has a Spiritual purpose. 

After living the last 2 decades in apt’s and giving my money to others to live, I have claimed my place on this Earth and am investing in a space that will give back to me. This feels like a really big deal. For as much as I want to be free, I also have a need for autonomy and choice. My Spirit is growing and has a need to not only  home and nurture myself, but to also provide a space to nurture community growth and healing. To not just live on this Earth and take, but to be on this Earth and give. 

When we are rooted, that’s when we can really grow. A redwood can only grow so tall because its roots are long and thick and deep. The more we plant down into the Earth and ourselves, the higher we can rise up to the light of consciousness and love. I must root down deep, because I am here to grow real big and support others in doing the same. 

To book some 1:1 time with me, click HERE.

In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,

Workshops & Trainings this Year:

Healer’s Level 1: How to Channel. Sept 30 – Oct 2. Click HERE for more info.

Energy Healing Training: Oct 21 – 23. Click HERE for more info.

June Newsletter

Dear Beloveds,

I did a meditation this morning on expanding my happiness and really tuned into all the joy I have in my life. Throughout the time sitting I incrementally increased the amount of joy I allowed myself to experience and saw that, “wow, there’s a lot here.” That I have a beautiful life and all I wanted to then do was share it. I saw myself gifting my love and gratitude to friends, clients, strangers, it was wonderful. It was a good reminder of what we focus on, grows. As I left my seat I felt super chipper, energetic, and fulfilled — sans my morning cup of joe 🙂 

In the healing work I do for others, the majority of my time is focused on people’s pain, blocks, judgements and the guilt/shame cycle. And I love it. I love being a mirror of empathy, acceptance and love. It meets my needs for contributing to life and fulfillment. For humanity as it is, and beauty and relief in the absolute terror. I also notice I can easily get stuck there myself. Always striving to get myself and others to the next tier of healing and evolution so I / we can be happy and free. 

This pushing and striving is not nearly as imprisoning as it used to be. I can definitely pick things up and put em down with much more ease; and, I’m present to the fighter/warrior wombyn inside of me who isn’t the greatest at tapping into the beauty and joy available in each and every moment. That everything is perfect as it is right now in it’s God-given nature, and to enjoy “the dash.”

I recently heard a poem about a man who was looking at a tombstone that listed the date of a person’s birth, then a dash, and then the date of his death. The poem asked how well the dead person had lived “his dash.” Our bodies all have a beginning and an end. The challenge is to enjoy the middle. Our souls chose to incarnate to experience all of the love, joy, peace, and beauty available on this 3-dimensional plane within the pain, sorrow, and sadness. To the ego they seem as if they are the opposite. To the soul, they are one in the same, found within a web of connection to each other. 

When we consciously live our lives in the awareness that there is no such thing as right or wrong. Good and bad do not exist. That there is oneness within acceptance of our light and shadows. That our feelings and needs matter, and that they are creating and contributing to our lives; we become true alchemists of our Earthly path and Spiritual transcendence naturally occurs.

Be aware of how you are living your dash today.

In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,

Workshops & Trainings this Year:

Healer’s Level 1: How to Channel. Sept 30 – Oct 2. Click HERE for more info.

Healer’s Level 2: Advanced Channeling ~ NEW! Coming up July 15-17. Click HERE for more info.

Energy Healing Training: Oct 21 – 23. Click HERE for more info.

May Newsletter

Dear Beloveds,

On holidays like Memorial Day and 4th of July, I often think of how we celebrate our Independence, those who fought for our Independence, and also what it takes to be Independent. In order to be Independent, we must overcome the Shadow of Co-Dependence and raise our state of consciousness. To be Independent means to rely only upon yourself, whereas to be Co-Dependent means to rely on outside agencies. 

As primitives we relied on outside agencies such as God/s and Goddesses to state our fate, as we did not have the technology and modernization to keep us safe from dangerous natural threats. Because of this we developed a need for an outside authority and thus, created a Co-Dependent relationship with an outside God. Not realizing that God is located within our own hearts and is us. We come from this Divine source, we are a continuous mutation of it. 

The 19th Gene Key by Richard Rudd states that, “As long as man believes in a God outside himself, the frequency of our planet will remain at the level of the 19th Shadow of Co-Dependence.”

I believe at least a part of what he is saying here is that until we begin treating ourselves, each other, and the Earth with love, kindness, and respect, we will not evolve out of the frequencies of guilt, shame, and suffering, which the Shadow of Co-Dependence emits. 

It is not just enough to become Independent on the Spiritual path, as the ego still tends to get pulled into isolating itself to show how strong it is, loudly proclaiming it has no need for help or support. Or it will get stuck in clinginess or neediness in Co-Dependence, projecting its need to feel needed. True transcendence of this Shadow (Co-Dependence) and Light (Independence) is Interdependence.

Let’s first break down Transcendence: It’s moving through all realms to make Whole. Moving through the Shadow and the Light, including and accepting all feeling states, integrating both, to evolve into a new, higher frequency state. In this process, the Shadow is needed as a contrast to the Light in order to recognize itself. It is a necessary part that contributes to Enlightenment. 

To process the Shadow of Co-Dependence means to trust ourselves to care for ourselves, trust others to do the same, allow Spirit to take the wheel in times of uncertainty, and to hold the parts of ourselves that fear abandonment firmly. Often those with large abandonment wounds will become clingy in Co-Dependence as they truly believe they can’t make it on their own. Then to not get stuck in the Light of Independence we must realize that we are not separate from each other or the Earth, and to sacrifice our ego identities that feel safe in over-isolation.

To reach Interdependence, we must give up our hard-earned Independence that names us separate from each other and the Earth, and trust in totality itself. This means to give up all ego identities and our sense of individuality for a higher vision of our own Divinity. The true state of Interdependence is about entering into a state of union with all beings in the cosmos, AKA: state of love and harmony.

To truly transcend human suffering we must recognize ourselves as one with all. Including the Earth and all its inhabitants. We aren’t free until all beings are free. 

I ode a Memorial to all those who have sacrificed their egos for the Interdependence of all.

In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,

April Newsletter

Dear Beloveds,

I feel as though all I’ve been writing and talking about of late, is Surrender. So much so that I couldn’t bring myself to write my March newsletter because I didn’t want to bore you all again with my ongoing diatribe of the topic. Lol. Not to mention I’ve been introverting and hermitting hard.

But here I am again. It became clear to me that is what is here to write about, and that most of us need a lot of practice in Surrender, because everything in our DNA tells us to go against it. 

My entire 2022, in fact, last 10 months, have been massive and milestone-like lessons in Surrender. Surrender of career, relationships, home, identity, all of it. My entire life has been on the chopping block, and my grief and heartbreak of so much loss (my ego’s interpretation) has held me in chains, resisting the need to let go.

Don’t get me wrong, we cannot bypass the feelings of grief and heartbreak, those need to be felt and fully expressed and loved on, and then we need to let them go and move on. I’ve been getting a lot of great opportunities to practice letting go.

The thing with this process is that it often takes time to process the heavy feelings before we actually feel like we can surrender. There’s typically an internal struggle as our ego hangs on to things being a certain way. After rolling around in that chaos awhile, we typically tire, and then finally, without having energy to do much else, let go and surrender. Then more waves of emotion typically come on, requiring us to surrender more deeply into feeling our feelings. One minute we’re okay, the next minute we’re sore and hurting and back in the turmoil. Depending how big the original blow was, we may fight some more, get into the old habit of conflict, remember how painful it is to hold on, exhaust from the fight again, surrender again, get wrapped up in a lot of emotion, process that layer of grief, come out, see that we’re okay, and it clicks that we can trust ourselves to handle painful emotions and that we’ll live through them. 

Trust and Surrender go hand in hand. We must trust in our own essence to take on what God gives us, and even bigger, we must trust that a Higher Power has us and that we’ll be taken care of no matter what is happening. Most of us do not trust that we’re taken care of by the Universe. Many people say they do and feel they do when times are good and the energy is high vibe’in. But once Spirit throws us a challenge (an opportunity to practice love) most fall into scare-city and lack consciousness. And to be fair, this is hard not to do. We’re not taught how to deal with our feelings and we’re sure as Heaven not taught how to not fight. Learning to trust in God is not just a one time or one tier thing. It is an every day thing that is attained in tiers of experience and integrated Spiritual wisdom. 

To Surrender, somewhere within us, we must trust that we’ll be okay and that Spirit has our back. To Trust we must know that we aren’t in control of this Life game anyways and that the path of least resistance is to let go and flow. 

Practicing Surrender can be applied in all of life’s daily activities and happenings. When someone wants to cut in front of you in traffic. When your spouse leaves you no hot water for your shower. When the waiter brings you the wrong order. When a relationship fades and takes a turn. When you get de-promoted from your job. When catch covid, etc. What I’ve been learning from so much “loss” is that the rejection my ego has been perceiving is really just redirection and re-configuration. Redirecting me to other people, places and opportunities, and reconfiguration of my values, commitments and relationships. 

Another requirement of the Trust and Surrender process is Patience. We must not rush our Spiritual evolution. Meaning, we must bathe in all the emotions that an experience brings up before it is integrated and we are ready to move on to the next step. When we are patient with our painful experiences, Spirit will guide us through the healing process and eventually create a clearing. When we reach the clearing, the energies start to reorganize and harmonize themselves and we begin to feel wiser, more at peace, and clear to move forward. 

Before reaching the clearing it is common to feel bored and impatient and asking what’s next. Often wondering, “is it always going to be this way?” We’ll think we’ve reached a plateau and that we’re done. The energy is never going to change and we may feel stuck. These are all normal feelings. This is the void and you can often feel numb and distant. Being in the void is likened to moving through a dark tunnel or the birth canal. You are literally going through a process of Spiritual rebirth. I had been in the void for many months and I’ll tell you the energies of hiding, playing small, cocooning, fear, nervousness, anxiety, withdrawn, disassociated, and needing lots of rest, relaxation, lots of alone and quiet time and solitude had all been very present in my field. But Spirit kept telling me, “yes this is what’s needed in order to come back out.” I would check in daily to see if it was time to “come out yet” and for a long and grueling time she would tell me no, not yet.

As much as I feared that my wild, courageous, brave and creative Spirit was gone, I had to learn to Trust that I was being taken care of and Surrender to where she was taking me next. The butterfly always emerges from the cocoon.

In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,

February Newsletter

Dear Beloveds,

There is so much power in waiting when being advised to wait, and doing nothing when being shown no clear answers or directions. I’m loving the snow storm we are having today in Kansas City. It forces nature and us to be still. I’m growing quite found of this stillness, there’s something eerily quiet and special about it. Like God reigns down and says, “stop, be at peace.” Like a white blanket comes down over the land and tucks us into ourselves. 

I’ve had a lot of opportunities to practice listening to this direction by Spirit over the last year. There was this counter energy happening that was difficult to navigate. Business was picking up, and Spirit was saying equally, to slow down and that I must create space to be still and listen.

As I’ve learned more about Human Design (HD), being a Manifesting Generator with an open Crown, Third Eye and Root energy center, I have a lot of energy to keep going and I am very in tune to the needs and pressures of others and the world. Looking back I see that my service is given if I am invited, and I was being invited a lot. I’m one of those who struggles to say no to things, even if I don’t really want too. I guess it’s part of my Christian, farm-life, midwest upbringing. You help each other out, period.

Aside from feeling this intense, external pressure that just comes in hastily from the outside world without pause or hesitancy, and as uncomfortable as that is, it also forces me into creation, direction and purpose, and drives my soul forward in carrying it’s mission of contributing to life. This is a beautiful thing, a thing I often wish to not impose upon or encumber with my Earthly needs, but it doesn’t work without boundaries. 

Understanding, practicing and instilling boundaries is an ongoing thing for me as a (insert all of my Astrology, HD, Gene Keys, Ancestry, Personality Test, etc.) I once had someone say to me that a boundary has been crossed if it’s affecting my inner peace. Wow, this was quite the concept to me. I had a right to inner peace?? Yes! Exclaimed my Higher Self, you have a right to living in peace too!

I’ve been working this line of energy, strengthening the boundary of peace within me. The more I look for it, the more I see where I am in relation to it and I can now feel in my mind and body when it’s been crossed. I didn’t know that racing, looping thoughts was a signal that my inner peace boundary had been crossed — and this was typically, most likely by myself. No one can cross a boundary that we haven’t already done so to ourselves. If we leave the door to the house open, the neighborhood cats are going to come in. When I look for how and where I crossed my own boundary, I also feel a surge of power as I own my actions and see where I missed my own network of signals, telling me, “hey, too far, you’ve gone too far.” 

What’s really wonderful too is that I’m learning that this whole practice can be done with a lot of ease, Grace, and stillness. I’m learning that I no longer need to punish and torture myself over these deeply ingrained behaviors that I have little control over. (Remember that something like 95% of our actions are sub-conscious and only like 5% are conscious?! So how about we give ourselves a break?? I’m saying this to myself too 🙂 And therein lies a big part of the answer —— Releasing trying to control a behavior and shifting into, “how can I bend, blend, and shape-to, and move with this behavior” ? What does this deeply ingrained behavior need? How can I support it? 

Trusting that I am taken care of by a Higher Power & Order is often step 1
That allows me to surrender and flow is often step 2
A new energy pattern often emerges to support the bending and moving with and results as step 3
Step 4 appears as practicing this new pattern given by Source as opportunities of contrast in my life
Step 5 is Integration = All parts coming together as a Whole

Blessed Snow Day to you Earth Angels! Be Still and Know…… 🙂 

In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,

January Newsletter

Dear Beloveds,

Above all else, I want to see.

Our misuse of words, black and white programming, and not understanding the fullness of what things mean can have us throw speculations, judgements, and ideas around so haphazardly. When we do this we become so disconnected from the truth of love in our hearts and we do our brothers and sisters a great disservice because we are not seeing how that can have a real human impact on them, and thus us, because we are one and the same. When we feel urgently compelled to make assumptions and accusations of what’s happening “out there” we aren’t connecting to the deep feelings and unmet needs within ourselves that created the stories and projections in the first place.

I have been undergoing a very deep teaching in the power of what we think things mean, and how that shapes our beliefs of ourselves and each other, without us knowing whether that story is anywhere close to being valid or true. The power of our minds to create fear and pain is just as powerful as our ability to create joy and love, and they produce vastly different experiences. And we always have a choice in this matter. 

I’ve also really been experiencing the impact of rumors and gossip and how absolutely demolishing and ostracizing that can be for an individual and community. The experience reminds me of when I was in 6th grade and I showed up to school one day and all of a sudden, my friend group of 8 girls who’d I’d been tight with for years, all of a sudden hated me and were putting death threats in my locker. I didn’t understand. I wondered what I did. I came home from school bawling every day for 6 months to my mom because I didn’t know what happened and because of my already built in guilty conscience, thought I did something wrong to create this. Later on one of my friends finally told me that a new girl who had moved to our school told my friends that I had said absolutely disgusting things about them. I was flabbergasted. I had no idea anyone would ever do anything like that. I was shocked, stunned, confused, and so deeply hurt. 

Feeling back into that now, my little girl inside still feels a bit hurt and abandoned by that experience, but the woman in me knows the deep truth that if it’s not love, it’s a call for love. And the new girl, underneath her words of fear, was deeply calling out for love. 

From that experience, it produced new thoughts in me that I had never thought before. I began to create enemy images in my mind about these girls who were hurting me. In my need for protection, I began to say negative and hurtful things about them in my mind, because I was so hurt and didn’t know or have anyone to help me navigate that deeply heart-breaking experience. I felt scared and all alone, not knowing who I could trust. 

Now as a grown wombyn and practicing the laws of Non-Violent Communication Consciousness and a Course in Miracles, I’m really looking at all the ways I have made up things about other people, thinking I know them to be a certain way, denigrating them down to a thing or object, and realizing over and over again:

*That anything that is not love, is an illusion

*That no one can be one thing, we are multi-dimensional beings, and that we are all navigating this 3D world in physical bodies the best we can

*That because we are multi-dimensional beings, we are everything. We are everything we criticize others for, and we are everything we are criticized for

*That we are responsible for not only our actions, but also our thoughts

*That nothing is static and everything and everyone is always changing. So whatever I am thinking about someone at any given moment is never the fullness of the truth of who they are because we are constantly evolving and transforming. Nothing and no one ever stays the same

*As my friend Zac Lyons said to me the other day, “We all have the right to update our story” I love that, it grants us all permission to release our mistakes and lack of love thinking and be who we are in the freshness of every new day, and every precious new moment

Above all else, I want to see from the lens of love. Above all else, I speak from the lens of love. Above all else, I want to hear from the lens of love. Above all else, I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, and I request you’d offer me that same love in return. 

Above all else, I want love to win and believe in its ability to heal the disconnected, divisive, fear programming that was never ours to begin with. 

Above all else, I want to see myself from the eyes of God, and I want to see you that same way too.

In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,

December Newsletter


Just a quick note to say…

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! 

I so enjoy this time of year. A time the world encourages us to celebrate joy, peace, love and connection.  and the light of consciousness.

With all the twinkling lights spread around town and in homes, it reminds me of the steady, undying, unchanging, light within us all. How, when we expand the light of consciousness within our own hearts to include more love, we grow and heal, and thus the world shines more brightly. 

I wish you a wonderful holiday season of gratitude, peace, joy and an abundance of love beloveds!

All my love,

November Newsletter

Hello Beloveds,

Happy Thanksgiving and deep bow of gratitude to you for being on this path with me!

Did you know that Gratitude vibrates at 540 MHz and that being grateful falls on the same level as love? When we feel gratitude we are experiencing one of the highest vibrational frequencies we can be at, and the more time we spend in gratitude and love, the more our body’s frequency raises and the healthier our bodies become.

That’s right, practicing gratitude keeps us healthier, more joyful and experiencing the energies of love, peace, grace, and you-name-it positive emotion! That’s pretty freakin’ cool isn’t it?! I’ve been playing around with practicing more gratitude since I returned home from Costa Rica about a month ago and I’ve got to say, its working. 

Every day I practice thinking thoughts of gratefulness for the people, things and experiences in my life. I couple that with feeling gratitude in my heart for said things, and I focus my attention on unifying my mind (thoughts) and body (feelings) on gratitude. I then ask my heart to turn up the volume so that I can really feel the oneness of gratitude in my whole being. I stay there as long as I can and my state usually changes. I come out feeling all tingly and damn near giddy at times with all this zest and energy for life! When this happens, we are literally changing our state! Aka, our genes and DNA as we’re conditioning ourselves to love.

Ever since I started doing this I have been feeling happier, healthier, more alive and vital and also in this beautiful state of awe and wonder for life. It’s no wonder most religions include it in their pillars of practice and intent. It’s a powerful tool for living close to God and in alignment with the Universe.

What about when we’re having a not-so-great day and gratitude is far from reach? That’s the time when we need it most. To be reminded of all that we are blessed with and to focus our attention on what we have, not what we don’t. When we focus our thoughts on gratitude (love) and away from lack (fear) we are literally priming ourselves for more abundance because we attract not what we want, but who we are. If we keep our vibrational state (our thoughts and feelings) in a state of peace, forgiveness and compassion, we will attract like-energies right back to us. And the opposite is true. If we live in a state of doubt, greed and guilt, we’ll attract those like energies to us as well. 

People who have the most abundance in their lives have that because they’ve figured out that gratitude (love) attracts more of the same. 

I wish you a wonderful holiday season of gratitude, peace, joy and an abundance of love beloveds!

All my love,

October Newsletter

Hello Beloveds,

Happy Fall. I just returned home late last night from 1 month in Costa Rica. What a blessing to wake up to the changing of the trees this morning! As I write I am looking directly out my window at this tall green beauty changing to burnt orange….ahhhhh my favorite!!!

I initially went to Costa Rica to receive my Reiki Masters Training on the southwestern Pacifica side of the country in a town called Manuel Antonio. The retreat was beautiful and deep and challenging in all the right ways necessary to stretch me into the expansion of my Sovereignty, which was the collective group intention of what we were really up too. 22 women were taking back and claiming all the parts of ourselves we’d given away through people pleasing, making ourselves small for the comfort of others, punishing ourselves for not being “perfect”, not allowing ourselves our own magic and all the ways we’ve withheld our voices, hearts and wombs from the planet out of fear of safety and scrutiny. All the ways we’ve condemned each other and put our pain on another person for fear of being crushed by our own weight. All of it. Reclaimed and owned. It was no small thing and you could feel the tension build throughout the week, to crescendo into a massive release as multiple monkey’s scavenged for food in our home during our Reiki Master attunement process. Yes, we were blessed by monkey’s running about while being attuned into this next chapter of spiritual ascension!

Then I went on to the south Caribbean side into a small beach town called Puerto Viejo, near the Panama border for 3 weeks. Wow. This portion of my trip, which I thought was supposed to be my “vacaciones” was not that. No, Spirit had other things in store, and like I tell many of my clients, we may not get what we want, but we get what we need. This portion of my trip turned into one long healing process. I came to the country with much on my plate. Lots of stress. Lots of overwhelm. Lots of fear. Lots of loss. Lots of unrest. My first full day in PV I went to the beach and I was just barely hanging on by a thread. I went into child’s pose in front of the ocean and sobbed and just let all the fear I had been pushing down to rise up out of my body and I let it take me over. This energy needed to come out, and pretending like it didn’t exist or that I wasn’t bothered by it I could no longer do. I was out of my reiki retreat and I finally felt like I could let go. And let go I did. For many weeks I had a lot of practice in letting go, grieving, breathing into a lot of discomfort and learning how to hold all the dark scary places within myself I see that I’ve put on others. Mostly men and specifically, men I’m in partnership with. 

I “got to” revisit my father wound again and really feel all the ways I didn’t feel met or seen or loved by him, and how much pain that story brings me, and that I don’t have to tell it or think about it that way anymore. The truth is, my father loved me and did the best he could. I like what my friend and Reiki teacher Christy Marsh said, “my relationship with him just isn’t a problem anymore.” Yes, I always have a choice, and I’m choosing to see the blessings my father’s attachment style gave me – which was pretty avoidant and emotionally unavailable – as not a problem and as the perfect medicine I need to be my best self. 

My life needed to become very simple in Viejo. Every day I walked the beach and swam in the ocean and gave my tears to the water. I sobbed on that sand daily and wondered if I would ever come out, if the energy would ever shift and contemplated if I needed to change my entire life. It was one long dark night of the soul. I felt very recluse and guarded and unsafe for many weeks. Walking around feeling like the boogy man was going to jump out and get me, wanting to connect with the locals and other travelers, and whenever anyone else would get close I’d start to feel really awkward, seeming to have lost all social skills and I’d withdraw and continue my isolation. It was difficult to navigate the energies at the time. Feeling like I could really use a shoulder to lean on, and also feeling like that just wasn’t the right thing to do. That I needed to lean on my own shoulders and create a wider container to hold myself. Whew. Uncomfortable stuff, but necessary.

The flip side is that Spirit blessed me with a space and place to be away and do this deep inner work for myself, and ultimately, the planet. I’ll be honest, had I been home with all the distractions of work and a functional cell phone, laptop and internet, I know I wouldn’t have done it to the degree that I did. I got to go away and heal on miles and miles of ongoing ocean and jungle, and get back into latin dancing and activating my Divine Feminine energies of allowing and receiving, and really just being. There was a lot of “being” on this trip. 

Now that I’ve returned home I honestly feeling the most peaceful I have in a very long time. In retrospect I see that I needed to go through the non-peaceful places to return to that peaceful place in my heart that was there underneath the fear and uncertainties all along. That the uncertainties are my creation, no one else’s, and that I’m a conscious creator —— everything in my life I created, and to get more conscious about what I want to create. All the recent adversity Spirit gave me was an opportunity to develop a peaceful place within myself for my own head to rest. Reminding me that the only way out is through and to heal, we must feel, and then pull ourselves out of the suffering and look at the palm trees, remember the good, see the beauty in what life is offering us. The ability to go within and take inventory, then come back out and laugh and talk about it is the way we heal. 

As I look back at this time, I recall spending a great deal laying on that sand underneath the palms and dreaming, dreaming of my new life and allowing my soul to reveal what it wants next. 

Peaceful blessings to all of you dear ones. I hope the changing of the seasons, the shortening of the days, the falling of the leaves is softly bringing you into a place of peace and rest for your heart and soul – regardless of what the outer world is offering. 

All my love,