Posted on December 4, 2022
I shared in last month’s newsletter that I bought a home. What I noticed about the process for me is that it is very masculine. Lots of paper work, signatures, quick decisions, striving, and lateral movements. Then moving into my home was also a very masculine activity. Lots of lifting, organizing, sorting, putting away…and more striving. I noticed throughout the journey it became difficult for me to stay connected to my inner feminine.
Then towards the middle of the journey I started to feel grumpy. I was irritated, angry and tired. I looked to see what was happening and realized I’d been stuck in hyper production mode for months and had completely shut down my inner feminine. I was asking my masculine to do so much I felt like I had to turn off my feminine in order to get it done. So I put a lid on my feelings and needs and got to work.
Being on the other side of this period, I really don’t recommend using this strategy. Although our ego’s have been trained to believe in a do-or-die mentality, we absolutely can complete tasks and be productive through ease and flow, more productive actually. I really got to see – once again – how the practices of pushing and forcing have been conditioned within me and how they tear down my whole world – physical health, positive mentality, connected & empathy-based relationships, and more. This experience really did a number on me so I’ve been contemplating a lot about what happens when we shut the inner feminine down and don’t give her space to emote, express, rest or relax.
Well, in my case she starts to feel overwhelmed, scared, scattered, withdrawn and an anxious mess and has needs for emotional safety, security, to be heard, and to be understood. But since I shut her down, I couldn’t access these feelings and didn’t even know what her needs were because I took away her spot. I told her she needed to go away so that I could get shit done. How often have we been trained to do this as women and men? This is instilled in our culture. That accomplish and doing exceeds all else and is where all of our value lives. This type of thinking and acting is highly detrimental. The blow back after this experience is that my inner feminine was really separated from me, and hurt and needed MUCH MORE NURTURING than if I’d just been doing a little bit here and there all along.
I even went so far as to pull back energetically from women friends and sister circles so that I could stay in my strong suited masculine and drive the car. I knew if I began talking about it to my ladies, they’d call me out and my unhealthy-masculine methods would be exposed.
But what makes the masculine unhealthy? What drives it into that category? When there isn’t a teaching, honoring, and experience of the feminine wisdom held within a mind. When we don’t allow boys to cry. When we don’t allow women to make their own choices about their bodies. When we say only men can do a certain job. When we don’t have women in politics. When we think our only value is in what we give and what we do.
I know learning and honoring my inner feminine will be a lifelong journey for me. I’ve recently gotten back into dancing to help restore her and provide her a creative outlet for expression. I can already feel it making a difference in that I feel softer, sensual, more creative, open and trusting to the flow of life.
Tune back in next month when I’ll share about my return to Dance, my first love. (after my parents;)
To book some 1:1 time with me, click HERE.
In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,
Workshops & Trainings this Year:
Healer’s Level 1: How to Channel. Sept 30 – Oct 2. Click HERE for more info.
Energy Healing Training: Oct 21 – 23. Click HERE for more info.