Posted on November 18, 2019
You know what makes my life sooooo much better now than it was even 1 year ago?
Sisterhood. For the past 5 years I have been working on healing the wounded-ness of sisterhood within me, and actively creating it with women I feel safe with, am inspired by, and have fun with.
This has not been the easiest task. When I set out to start building these relationships, everything that was unhealed from the past came up. I had undergone a massive betrayal of my sisters in 6th grade when one day I came to school and my posse of 6 girl-friends turned on me. They would not talk to me or look at me, they pointed and whispered to each other when they saw me, I received hate notes and came home crying every night to my mom. This went on for 6 months. I was alone, scared, and confused. I didn’t know what happened, I didn’t know what I did, and frankly I was too scared to even ask. It went so far that my mom came to school and had a meeting about it with the principal. I was experiencing my first major feeling of rejection and heartbreak.
After while, it all got sorted out. I found out from 2 of my friends that a new girl who had started at our school told all my friends that I was saying hateful things about them. They believed her, took her in, and left me. What’s interesting is that same girl told me my friends were saying nasty things about me. It was the perfect betrayal to crack open my heart.
When I set out on this journey to re-build sisterhood, I was not still angry with the girl who betrayed me. What was left was this feeling of “not good enough” and like I didn’t belong. I longed to belong, but felt like if I was my full self, my friends would leave. This created all sorts of mixed up situations with sisters along the way of healing this deep wound of unworthiness. I would be defensive of sisters and take things the wrong way. I would question if they were trying to hurt me and if I could trust them. It created this push/pull dynamic where I felt like I could never let go and be fully seen. I so wanted to be gotten but felt like I had to be on my toes, watching and waiting for the other shoe to drop when someone started to get close.
The period of healing this trauma was at times agonizing and painful and like it would never go away or get fully complete. It hurt to keep revisiting these deep feelings of rejection and unworthiness. And it’s not like I was going out and seeking them, they would just come up in my misinterpretation of another sister, or my fear of just confronting situations and asking what was going on.
But slowly, over time, by sticking to my commitment of healing my wounded-ness in sisterhood, it began to heal and blossom. What it looked like was being vulnerable and putting myself out there. I made a commitment to myself to plan to see or talk to at least one sister every week in the beginning. This was hairy at first. I went through all sorts of ups and downs. I’d want to cancel at the last moment, I’d fear the meeting all week. I didn’t think I could show up because I’d be “a mess” and wasn’t sure if that would be okay for her. The list goes on and on. But as I kept at it, connections were built and bonds were formed. Through my sensing I picked out women I adored and who I also felt the most safe with. I would extend myself to these women and make myself available for them. I had a keen knowing of how important our being together in this world was. When this was reciprocated, I knew I could trust them.
Now today I stand, in deep relationships with sisters who see me, get me, and allow me to be exactly as I am. There is no fear of how I need to show up or what I can say or can’t. This has been one of the greatest permissions I’ve received in my life. To have women reflecting love and compassion when I’m in my darkest of times. For them to have “nothing about” where I am emotionally allows me to keep showing up fully as my truest of self. There permission of me to shift and sway, bend and break, be up and down is exactly the process that has supported my evolution.
We need these relationships. We are tribal people. Us women used to be together while the men were away hunting or at war. We used to sing together while we washed, take care of each other’s children, laughed together while we cooked and brushed each others hair. We were meant to be together. To love and support one another.
I am so happy to share that I cleaned up 2 more relationships with sisters over the weekend. Things that were misunderstood and I am so grateful for them and their hearts to return to love. I am reminded that we need the contrast in order to grow. Without the darkness we experienced our relationship would not have had the opportunity to expand and evolve.
This work is important. I have been very aware that I haven’t just been healing the wounded-ness of sisterhood within me, but within the collective. In a society that has plagued women against each other. Encouraging us to compete and compare, there is a mass healing of sisters coming back together across the planet and it’s raising the vibration of the Divine Feminine and is required to restore Mother Earth. (Hint: She’s called MOTHER Earth ;p )
This past year has really brought through a huge transformation of bonds in sisterhood, and I am so grateful to myself and my sisters who are up for doing this work and recognize it’s importance. We need each other. It doesn’t just take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to raise a conscious evolutionary adult.
This goes the same for men too in brotherhood. Imagine what would happen if we stopped separating ourselves from each other, which scatters our energy, and came together in support of one another. This would reconnect our energy to the Wholeness that we are as seen by Source and vibrate out into the comic consciousness of the Universe.
With deep love and appreciation, I bow to you Sisters and Brothers <3
Posted on October 18, 2019
What I am experiencing as the fall temps and burning trees set in, is a natural settling into myself as we come down from the heat of summer and prepare for the death of winter.
In nature this process is so instinctive, and I notice how I have resisted this coming down in previous, younger years. How the Leo in me just wants to shine and express all the time, but as I’ve aged and been doing my softening feminine work, I am accepting and enjoying the turn inward.
As I deepen more into myself, I notice a peacefulness run through my nervous system and a heightened awareness of how much I’ve been holding on. Many lifetimes of holding on. Of fear running the show. Of fighting, so much fighting – myself, my partners, my family, my friends, the world.
Oh how much I can hear myself being called into sweet surrender by my guides. I hear them saying, “let go my love, just a little more, it’s okay, you’re okay, all is well, everything is perfect…” and I momentarily slip into the 5th dimension of pure love, light, awareness and presence, and it is Divine! I let myself float and soar and Be.
And then the dog barks or the phone rings, I am called back to the plane of form. Of this 3 dimensional consciousness that can get so confusing to our light bodies. Or rather, we forget how easy it is and make this human experience complicated. It is not complicated when we know what Love is. When we’re willing to Surrender to Love. To Spirit. To the our Higher Selves.
That is my practice right now, Ishvara Pranidhana – which literally translates to Surrender to the Divine. Every time my ego revs up I hear Spirit say, “Surrender dear” or I get in my head and think I need to DO something about what’s happening, I’ve got to fix this, figure this out, and on and on and on the energy rattles and snakes and builds in my head. I hear Pachamama herself say, “oh no sweetie, not that way, this way —> exhale, soften.” The trees sing Let-Go in their breeze.
Oh I am being called, called into a deeper layer. I can feel the unknown lurking and the void breathing. It feels as though I am undergoing many moons as I pull back the shadows to reveal the next expression of Self that is making her way through.
I soften, surrender, and let the Goddess hold me in her arms. At once I remember I am okay.
Can you relate to the turn inward and the collective invitation of Surrender at this time of year? If so, I invite you to come practice with me. I am currently leading a 6 week Ishvara Pranidhana ~ Surrender to the Divine Meditation Series at Karma Tribe Yoga. Details & Registration link below.
Much love to you on your Surrendering journey. Cheers to the Unknown <3
With deep love and appreciation,
Posted on September 23, 2019
It’s my Birthday Month, woo-hoo!
Happy September beloveds, although we’ve officially moved into Libra, my Virgo energy has been coming in strong this month. As I reflect over the years I notice a pattern emerge around this time, a deeply ingrained and old way of being, the unhealthy Virgo.
Aspects of the unhealthy Virgo energy are perfectionism, hyper-control, rumination, all “up in the head” and this year hasn’t nearly been as strong as previous times, but I’ve been noticing my energy on lock in rigidity around certain things.
A big thing that’s been coming up for me is how I react when I’m triggered. I’ve been watching how my central nervous system revs up when it doesn’t like something (aka, doesn’t feel safe) and I go into fight-flight, or fear response. It is so damn quick, it’s ludicrous to see how fast I can go from calm to crazy. I’m laughing at myself now, seeing the humor in my ego’s primal reaction.
The ego is sooo tempting too. In the heat of a triggering event, I can feel that it is immensely important that I save myself by retorting back with some quick response that hasn’t been thought through and isn’t completely or even half of the truth of what I wanted to say. This quick response is usually accompanied by raising my voice and a sassy tone. Ugh, like what?! This is totally not who I am committed to being! So why am I showing up this way?
What I’m hearing from my Guides is that there is truly nothing wrong with this. The ego is designed to respond quickly and in this heightened way because it’s sole purpose is to save me from danger, so it does no purpose to be mad at my ego. After all, it’s only doing its job. But where the work lies is to know the difference of when I’m actually in danger and when I’m not, and 99.9% of the time, I’m not in any real danger.
Woo. Coming back to this realization is a big one to acknowledge. In doing so I’m seeing how much I’m living from a fear response and it’s outrageous. When we’re constantly in a state of survival, and bouncing back and forth between the parasympathetic (rest & digest) and sympathetic (fight-flight) it is so taxing to the heath of our bodies and state of our emotions.
The body of a human being is not meant to constantly be living in fear, we are not designed for that. Hence all the chronic illness in the world at this time, we’re not built to live in stress. Unfortunately this is what we’ve been taught and absorbed from our culture, but fortunately we’re not powerless.
In a very heightened state 2 weeks ago my dear friend and teacher Laura Wolf reminded me that I have control over my nervous system. That if I get triggered, it is me generating this activated response in my body, not the other person – EVEN THOUGH IT TOTALLY FEELS like it’s the other person doing it to me, it’s me.
Only I hold the power to decide how I respond, and I am the one creating this activated state. And when I’m in this activated state, nothing good, productive or fruitful can come from trying to “figure it out” with this other person. That the best thing I can do is change my energy. Take space, take a walk, call a friend, leave the triggering situation and calm my CNS down. Until I get myself back into my heart, I am not thinking straight.
Can you relate? What outrageous stuff does your ego do when it doesn’t feel safe? Let’s create a revolution of sweetly-laughing at our ego’s and embracing all their craziness, after all, they’re only trying to protect us.
With deep love and appreciation,
Posted on August 17, 2019
Beauties I am back and in that Leo / Summer / Beast Mode Attack!
I loooooove summer. I love the heat and sun and sweat. I love the windows down and patio door open vibe. I especially like not having to wear much for clothes and can just rock my beachy “it only took me 10 minutes to shower and get dressed” look. Summer is my jam.
I just returned from my long sabbatical 2 weeks ago and it was such a good trip. Upon getting home I felt like I really got time away from work and responsibilities and the norm, it was quite refreshing and just the motivation I needed to get myself back up and flowing.
I really surprised my workaholic-self and managed to turn off emails and my compulsive business-mindset in the flip of a switch. I can’t tell you how healing that was for me. To not be constantly thinking about all the things I need to be doing, or trying to manage all my creative ideas. Woof. Praise the Goddess for this time off because my health needed it.
Speaking of health, some of you know this, but I have recently started Ketamine treatments for the anxiety and insomnia I often experience. Ketamine has been shown to drastically help people who suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and my Integrative Medicine Doc has been talking to me about it for a while. When I got home after still having quite a bit of insomnia on my trip, I had met my limit. I was ready to take the plunge, and this shit is edgy. I’m not going to go into all the history here, research it, it’s making some major waves in the mental health field.
After only 3 treatments I am noticing some major shifts.
1. I’m sleeping. It took about a week, but I’m finally able to fall asleep at night! Can I get an AMEN?! Thank the Queen of the stars for this shift! And as a result, I’ve been having more time in my day because I’m not laying in bed awake for endless hours of the night and have been waking up early naturally! Without an alarm clock! This has given me more time during the day to do all that I desire. It’s so wonderful.
2. I’m processing things differently. My reactions aren’t so fast, I’m responding with a different approach. I previously felt immense anxiety and pressure being an entrepreneur and trying to manage all the “things” and people I carry. So often friends would be so excited for my success, but I would just feel dreadful. I knew this is what I wanted, but I didn’t feel like my health was not supporting my Spirit. Needless to say, I would feel more pressure and stress from growing. It was a beast. But now I’ve been feeling super excited for all that I’ve created and am ecstatic to create more! All of a sudden feel confident in my ability to carry and create what my Soul longs for. Hallelujah!
3. I’ve been more in the flow more too. Moving and responding to Life. Less making myself wrong and letting things roll. More in the frequency of knowing that everything will work out. So much less worrying and spending time in that fearful, panic state. As my doc put it, for lack of better terms, “Ketamine resets the neurological motherboard” so it feels like my previous stressful response has shifted to a lighter, more confident and flowing response.
4. The anxiety isn’t completely gone, but it’s getting better. I haven’t been waking up and going straight into panic mode over the restless night / no sleep / late morning that was happening consistently. I’m still having some issues with my breathing, it can be really difficult to get a full deep breath, but that’s not happening quite as much.
5. Lastly, I’ve also noticed that I’ve been feeling much more in my heart space. Open, free, loving, and happy.
In it all, I’m finally starting to feel more like myself. More stable. More ease-ful. I feel like I’m able to trust myself again and not be on the emotional rollercoaster I was riding for so long. For the longest time I never wanted to feel normal, but now, it’s feeling so good that I’m starting too.
Blessings to you dear ones, wherever you’re at on your healing journey. This life-ride is wild. Here’s to pulling one more layer back on the health-healing train. Let us take the upsets in life as an opportunity to grow and evolve this Universe <3
With deep love and appreciation,
Updated on June 19, 2019
We must remember that we have Authority dear ones. Authority over our body’s, our minds, our hearts, our health, our relationships, our homes, our jobs……we have Authority!
It is when we forget that we have a say in this whole life game that we really start to get tripped up. We fall into the victim role often, where life is just happening to us, scarce of any power or control over our experience.
And life does happen. It can happen in really big, ugly, and beautiful ways.
But what if life were happening for us? All the big bad things were lessons to help us grow? So we can evolve and be better humans? Develop more of our heart space so we can reunite to the God within?
I was recently in a Trauma Elimination workshop where the leader explained authority in a way that really helped me dial it into my system and nail down this remembering.
That Source energy gave us Authority over our lives. That God originally inherited us with the power to be safe, authentic, and free.
Most of us don’t know this. From childhood, we are told we have to be cooperative and say yes all the time. We watch our parents, teachers and adults give their power away to their jobs and everyone else’s wants and demands. Inside of this landscape, we think we don’t get to direct our lives and believe that something else has greater power over us than we do of ourselves.
That any ‘ole energy can roll up into our field and curse and cast demons upon us, time and time again. That we are at the will of the negative forces of the Universe. But that is not the truth.
The truth is we have always had the power and we are strong. We are only caught in the illusion that our power has been taken away and that we’re powerless in taking it back.
We get to choose what we declare. And when we declare Authority, through the power of God, nothing can stand in your way. No negative thought, limiting belief, or fear too large can uphold it’s power in the face of our Source. No-thing.
New Mantra: I am in Authority of my life. Body, Mind and Soul. Now, before, and evermore.
With deep love and appreciation,
Updated on August 17, 2019
This month, I have gone away to find myself.
Or at least, the next version of myself and my work.
To rest, relax and recharge.
My higher self has been calling me to slow down and take time for myself. To have fun and play and laugh and….do whatever my heart desires.
This is tough for me. I am a workaholic. By design and family of origin, I go-go-go, do-do-do, and try to accomplish as much as possible on any given day. Very masculine. There are good parts to it. I’ve created a successful business. I’m growing in clients and opportunities. I’m able to pay my bills and go on a vacation.
But I don’t say no very well and it’s hard for me to hold work boundaries. My central nervous system is usually pretty revved up and I feel anxious a lot of the time. Always thinking of the next thing I should be doing and creating, who I should be helping and getting back too. I’ve been finding myself constantly reacting to the requests of others, rather than responding to the needs and wants of myself.
I guess you could say I’m running into the next tier of what any successful, committed entrepreneur comes into. How do I manage the monster I built? How do I run the business instead of the business running me?
This, I am still figuring out, and I notice it’s quite difficult to Ask and Listen to Source for how to restructure something when you’re deeply inside of it.
So, I am going away. Hitting the proverbial Pause button so I can spend some time in fantasy-land, allow myself to dream, drop into my feminine, and flow.
Not to worry, I will be back. Refeshed and recharged. Hopefully with more clarity on how to serve myself first, so I can better serve you.
I will be gone July 8 – 28th and will not be answering emails, calls or texts until I return.
Blessings to you ~ Aho
With deep love and appreciation,
Posted on May 22, 2019
I love the month of May!
I asked Spirit what wanted to be channeled for this month’s newsletter, and I kept seeing and hearing how the word Heal, is in the word Health.
You know healing is my favorite topic, and lately I’ve been tuning into etymology, which is the study of the history of words. I can’t help but think and feel that in the creation of the word health, they knew that one would undergo heal-ing.
This tells me that healing is literally in the DNA of what it means to be healthy. That’s pretty neat to me! Especially as I continue to take deep dives into my own healing and being of service to others.
The way my healing journey is appearing to me currently is like a spiral. I go round and round this red and gold threaded path, submerging myself deeper and deeper into the dark, light shining when I remember to lift my head. I am greeted by familiar faces of wounds I have long known, they may have a new haircut, but their eyes are still the same. They come here to teach me. They and I, we’ve made sacred contracts to help me grow and raise the vibration of consciousness. They are not here to take me down, quite the contrary, they are here to lift me up. Higher and higher, as I go deeper and deeper, into the depths of my own awareness.
Until I remember that I one with all. With Source Creator. That, in my essence, I am no different than the trees shimmering with the wind. I am majestic and tattered, light-filled and scorned, alive and still sometimes, feel dead.
That this is Earth school and I came here to learn. Experience is my teacher and you are my classmates. That we’re in this together and thank God for that.
So I bow to you. My sister, my brother, my opposite-yet-equal that doesn’t want to be gender identified. We are the creators and let us remember that we get to choose who we are, what we want, how we respond and what kind of world we want to live in.
This world needs healing. We all do. Let’s support each other in that and choose Health every day. For ourselves, each other, Pacha-mama and the Yoni-verse.
With deep love and appreciation,
Posted on April 16, 2019
Are you just LOVING the bloom of these amazing trees in KC right now?!I’m really noticing how the birth of color is bringing me so much inspiration and joy, HECK YES to plants!!
I tried to write this newsletter a number of times yesterday and it just wasn’t flowing. I wasn’t connecting to any of the subjects I tried to speak about, and thank goodness I had a client come so I didn’t twiddle my fingers at it for the rest of the evening.
I woke up early this morning and read my Louise Hay daily devotional, and upon seeing what today’s topic was, I saw that I kept getting stuck writing because I needed a new perspective. I’ve been going through a period of many physical challenges again – insomnia, adrenal fatigue, hormone imbalance, low energy, depression, (who knows what else) – but I as I tried to share about these topics from the mindset of struggle and hardship, it just wasn’t fitting.
It wasn’t working because that wasn’t where I was with it anymore. Yes, these things suck and they can be truly maddening at times, but I could hear Spirit knocking on my door saying I needed to come at these things from a different perspective. I had to be willing to open my mind to a new flow of energy around them, and I just wasn’t quite there yesterday.
Insert Louise’s book today, and I see that I just needed a little inspiration and validation. For today she says, “I Am Willing To Learn What Life Is Trying To Teach Me.” She says we want to be grateful for the lessons we have and to not run from lessons; they are little packages of treasure that have been given to us, and as we learn from them, our lives change for the better.
At this point, I am willing to see that these challenges are trying to teach me something. I know that if something is coming up – and in this case, coming up in a Big way – that I am ready to let go of something that is hindering my life in a big way.
All so often when we (I) go deeper into a wound or challenge, it gets worse before it gets better. And typically we (I) think we’re doing something wrong to make it worse and fear we’re (I’m) never going to come out of it.
This is a common game played by the ego. Telling us we’re always going to be locked in our pain and sorrow. That this is never going to end or get better and there are no answers. And that’s true, but only if we believe it!
The truth is, we get to say. We get to say what we’re going to allow something to be, or not be. We get to choose our perspective and always have the option to rejoice in the face of a problem.
Insert Mantra: I AM WILLING TO LEARN WHAT LIFE IS TRYING TO TEACH ME!
With deep love and appreciation,
Posted on March 20, 2019
Happy Spring Solstice!
I looooove spring. I love the whole concept – waking, birthing from the dead of winter, planting new seeds in the soft ground of spring (our hearts), and watching them (us) blossom and grow as the longer days carry on.
The seeds I’m planting in my spring garden this year are:
For the longest part of my life, I had never even heard of boundaries and had no idea what they were. Give myself away to everyone all the time and therefore never have a center? Yep! That was me. But not anymore, and not because I don’t love giving myself to others – I LOVE CONNECTION – however as my energy healing business is expanding, I’m seeing that I can’t if I want to keep my sanity.
In order for me to stay healthy and serve my clients, I’m really having to get precise on my time. I have a long history of “going over” time with client sessions, and I really can’t afford to do that anymore. I’ve got more responsibilities than ever, and for me to stay in integrity to myself, my family, and my business, I’m setting clear intentions to the Universe to cut back on giving myself away.
2. Higher Consciousness
I took my second course in Higher Consciousness training this past weekend with Stephen Busby and the seeds I am planting from it are more noticing of the subtle energy realms. To notice what’s happening inside me, as I witness you – my friend, partner, or client. Our bodies are always reacting to the energy of our environment. This course reawakened my curiousity of the relational field in which “all things are happening” and where co-creation exists.
This course reminded me of the depth of healing that can occur simply through our quality of listening. To be fully present and with someone as they share their own wonderings of life, with no interruptions and interjecting of questions, creates a space for one’s own wisdom and insights to arise.
I found this work to literally be at the “edge” of what’s desiring to come through. All those things that aren’t said, but exist in the energetic. The spaces between the words and the response of the soul – just shy of breaking through…
I am dropping seeds in the collective for myself and others to be witnessed as the soul embodiment that I (we) are, and by this, are healed through an unknown quality of presence.
I’ve talked about this before and I feel like I need to bring it in again for myself and our world. I am sprinkling seeds of Ease throughout my entire life and wish to drop them along my path so that others can Exhale too. Have you ever noticed how you sometimes hold your breath? Me too. Ease is even missing in the most natural thing these days.
I desire to be more easy with myself. To be ease-full, to go with the flow more and Let. Life. Happen. To no longer question what happens to me as if it shouldn’t be happening. This insanity of questioning reality causes me lots of un-ease, anxiety, depression, and unrest.
I linked up with a lot of lessons these last few weeks and I found myself sooooo tired because I was literally fighting life at every corner I turned. I see this a lot with my clients as well. Many of us are so freakin’ hard on ourselves, with impossible expectations and so much pressure I’m surprised our heads don’t explode – until they do.
At the Higher Consciousness workshop I got 2 MASSIVE headaches. The pain came on so sharp and quick that I got nauseous and had to puke. This is what I’m talking about. The build-up of energy gets so intense that the only way for the body to release is to get sick, so it can get back to its normal homeostasis of Ease.
What seeds are you planting in your spring garden this year? What wants to be left in the dead of winter, and what wants to blossom anew?
Happy Spring-time you cute little bunnies!
With deep love and appreciation,
Posted on February 28, 2019
Happy February Love Month <3
I am a firm believer in practicing receiving and giving love every day, and notice how I said receiving FIRST, and giving SECOND. It’s the time old adage, but it’s still around because it’s true. In order to fill someone else’s cup, we first must receive love into our own.
Most of us, including myself, poo-poo’ed this idea for so long. “Yea yea, I have to receive first, ok, let me go back to giving all my energy and power away, become completely burn out, cry victim, and repeat the cycle all over again.” I get it, I was one of these people, and I am in receiving recovery.
In the US culture, most of us aren’t taught how to receive. We’re told it’s wrong to take and to always give more of ourselves.
But if you think about this in terms of energy input and energy output, how can this be truth? How can we actually give more energy than we have? Right, we can’t. Reality check.
After completing my Feminine Magic course in December, I am still fine-tuning my receiver. The first feminine principle is to Receive, and throughout the 10 month course, I became very aware how much I’m not receiving.
Not receiving life, pushing off compliments, not asking for help, not allowing others to care for me, not receiving rest, not receiving friendship —– this was an epiphany, no wonder I couldn’t relax, had anxiety, insomnia, and relationship issues – I was blocking the flow of energy!
And so many of us are. We are a world of over-functioning, over-achieving, over-over-over go-go-go more-more-more and it’s up to us to re-write the script, because all of this over-doing isn’t getting us anywhere but tired and sick.
So this month of love, I invite you to receive. How can you receive more love into your daily life? And by the way, you don’t need someone else to do this (that’s conditional love) we can all receive free love from the trees, the birds, God, a pet, a smile, a hug, a creative project – you name it.
Ways I receive self-love are by taking good care of myself. Rest, healthy food, hydration, movement, creativity, connection and FUN! Not to mention I love scheduling time with some of my favorite healer’s to work my body, bring peace to my mind and fill up my soul.
Then I’ve got lots of love to give to my partner, my pets, my peeps, and the world.
First 3 people to reply back with ways they’re receiving love this month get $20 off an 1.5hr Energy Healing Session!
With deep love and appreciation,