Posted on November 18, 2019
You know what makes my life sooooo much better now than it was even 1 year ago?
Sisterhood. For the past 5 years I have been working on healing the wounded-ness of sisterhood within me, and actively creating it with women I feel safe with, am inspired by, and have fun with.
This has not been the easiest task. When I set out to start building these relationships, everything that was unhealed from the past came up. I had undergone a massive betrayal of my sisters in 6th grade when one day I came to school and my posse of 6 girl-friends turned on me. They would not talk to me or look at me, they pointed and whispered to each other when they saw me, I received hate notes and came home crying every night to my mom. This went on for 6 months. I was alone, scared, and confused. I didn’t know what happened, I didn’t know what I did, and frankly I was too scared to even ask. It went so far that my mom came to school and had a meeting about it with the principal. I was experiencing my first major feeling of rejection and heartbreak.
After while, it all got sorted out. I found out from 2 of my friends that a new girl who had started at our school told all my friends that I was saying hateful things about them. They believed her, took her in, and left me. What’s interesting is that same girl told me my friends were saying nasty things about me. It was the perfect betrayal to crack open my heart.
When I set out on this journey to re-build sisterhood, I was not still angry with the girl who betrayed me. What was left was this feeling of “not good enough” and like I didn’t belong. I longed to belong, but felt like if I was my full self, my friends would leave. This created all sorts of mixed up situations with sisters along the way of healing this deep wound of unworthiness. I would be defensive of sisters and take things the wrong way. I would question if they were trying to hurt me and if I could trust them. It created this push/pull dynamic where I felt like I could never let go and be fully seen. I so wanted to be gotten but felt like I had to be on my toes, watching and waiting for the other shoe to drop when someone started to get close.
The period of healing this trauma was at times agonizing and painful and like it would never go away or get fully complete. It hurt to keep revisiting these deep feelings of rejection and unworthiness. And it’s not like I was going out and seeking them, they would just come up in my misinterpretation of another sister, or my fear of just confronting situations and asking what was going on.
But slowly, over time, by sticking to my commitment of healing my wounded-ness in sisterhood, it began to heal and blossom. What it looked like was being vulnerable and putting myself out there. I made a commitment to myself to plan to see or talk to at least one sister every week in the beginning. This was hairy at first. I went through all sorts of ups and downs. I’d want to cancel at the last moment, I’d fear the meeting all week. I didn’t think I could show up because I’d be “a mess” and wasn’t sure if that would be okay for her. The list goes on and on. But as I kept at it, connections were built and bonds were formed. Through my sensing I picked out women I adored and who I also felt the most safe with. I would extend myself to these women and make myself available for them. I had a keen knowing of how important our being together in this world was. When this was reciprocated, I knew I could trust them.
Now today I stand, in deep relationships with sisters who see me, get me, and allow me to be exactly as I am. There is no fear of how I need to show up or what I can say or can’t. This has been one of the greatest permissions I’ve received in my life. To have women reflecting love and compassion when I’m in my darkest of times. For them to have “nothing about” where I am emotionally allows me to keep showing up fully as my truest of self. There permission of me to shift and sway, bend and break, be up and down is exactly the process that has supported my evolution.
We need these relationships. We are tribal people. Us women used to be together while the men were away hunting or at war. We used to sing together while we washed, take care of each other’s children, laughed together while we cooked and brushed each others hair. We were meant to be together. To love and support one another.
I am so happy to share that I cleaned up 2 more relationships with sisters over the weekend. Things that were misunderstood and I am so grateful for them and their hearts to return to love. I am reminded that we need the contrast in order to grow. Without the darkness we experienced our relationship would not have had the opportunity to expand and evolve.
This work is important. I have been very aware that I haven’t just been healing the wounded-ness of sisterhood within me, but within the collective. In a society that has plagued women against each other. Encouraging us to compete and compare, there is a mass healing of sisters coming back together across the planet and it’s raising the vibration of the Divine Feminine and is required to restore Mother Earth. (Hint: She’s called MOTHER Earth ;p )
This past year has really brought through a huge transformation of bonds in sisterhood, and I am so grateful to myself and my sisters who are up for doing this work and recognize it’s importance. We need each other. It doesn’t just take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to raise a conscious evolutionary adult.
This goes the same for men too in brotherhood. Imagine what would happen if we stopped separating ourselves from each other, which scatters our energy, and came together in support of one another. This would reconnect our energy to the Wholeness that we are as seen by Source and vibrate out into the comic consciousness of the Universe.
With deep love and appreciation, I bow to you Sisters and Brothers <3