Posted on May 18, 2020
Happy May Day! (Or May Month 🙂
I always loved creating May Day baskets when I was a little girl. “Sneaking” up and putting my baskets on my neighbors doors, ringing the bell and then running back to my moms car. Squeeling and “hoping” they didn’t catch me. (I’m sure the car was a dead give-away ;p )
I continue to be curious by my process as well as the collectives by the Coronavirus. What I’ve been noticing for myself these last few weeks are many feelings I am not used too. Feelings that have developed from all the space and slow down provided by this pandemic.
As of late, I’ve been feeling feelings like contentment, simplicity, basic-ness, boredom, and a little sadness, loneliness and depression. No so much on the latter ones; the sadness, loneliness and depression came in waves a few different days, and I did my best to just let them be here and not create too many stories about what to do with them or how long they’ll stay.
I am more interested in the contentment, simplicity and boredom. I don’t know that I have ever really felt contentment for extended periods of time. Contentment is usually a fleeting feeling for me that never stays around for very long, before I usually push it away with my eagerness, ambition and excitement to create something, do something, or learn something new. Thoughts will pop up, wondering if I “should be doing something” while experiencing contentment. I’ll notice fear arise and think maybe I’m missing something or forgetting something. I have to assure myself that I’m not, and if I am, it’s okay, it will get noticed when the time is right – even if it’s late – I can make up for it then.
This is a totally new experience for me, to let myself have more space to let things happen as they happen, and not frenetically worry about missing things or getting behind. Historically I have kept myself on a much shorter leash, and I’m seeing how that’s created a lot more anxiety for myself and tension in my body. I’m allowing myself to relax more through life and it feels like such a gift and weird at the same time.
Then there’s this new concept of simplicity I’ve been exploring. I have NEVER wanted a simple life. I’ve always liked a lot going on and have known myself to be a mover and shaker and a busy body. Well, thank you again, Coronavirus, for introducing me to a new part of myself that sees the beauty and peacefulness of Simplicity. What I like about simplicity is: it’s always one thing at a time, just a few things a day, no multitasking, no over-doing it, it’s Ease, and Flow, and what feels good. I grew up on a farm with a family that I would say lives pretty simply. I didn’t really like it and could never understand why they did as I craved more action. But now I’m seeing why they like it – it’s definitely more settling to the nervous system! I’m also seeing true joy arise from enjoying the “simple” things in life. I’ve recently been really enjoying the simplicity of cooking, baking and just taking care of my partner, pets, plants and home.
I relate simplicity to basic-ness. In living more of a basic life, I’ve actually been feeling more connected to Source. I’ve been hearing Spirits guidance much more clearly and my clairvoyance has heightened. I know this is due to less noise in my field. Less outside influences, less commitments and responsibilities, less obligations. I’ve been asking my guides how to keep this level of clarity once the commitments and responsibilities fill back in when the Virus lifts, and I continue to hear that I’m going to have keep this slower pace, regardless of whether or not the world does.
Then there’s boredom. Man, I was fighting boredom last week. The feelings that accompanied boredom were uninspired, dull, bleak, bland, heavy, blaaaaaaahhhhhh…lololollol yuck! I notice that I really don’t like this feeling! And then I get curious, what is it about this feeling I don’t like? I don’t like that it makes me feel “un-alive” “unproductive” annndd…unworthy. If I’m not doing something or expressing or creating, then who am I and what is my worth? I still feel massive resistance to this feeling. I can feel it in my chest and stomach. I ask myself to give it space and allow it to be there. More processing on this one. I remember really not liking being bored as a kid and I would “busy myself” with play and make believe and always find something to do. This was required living out in the country with no other kids around. I learned how to keep myself occupied because I had too. Otherwise I’d drive myself and my parents nuts! Like all things, I see this as a blessing – I can nearly entertain myself at all costs – and it has a shadow aspect – I’ve trained myself to always be entertained.
Out of all this, I feel that I have changed, or perhaps more accurately said, am Becoming more that Source designed me to be. Removing layers of busy-ness, and over-doing and over-giving. Which were all masking a feeling of unworthiness (If I do this and create this and give this, will I be enough? Will that make me worthy?) I see how the unworthiness wound has been shedding, and I’ve been in transition to understand my worth not from what I do, but who I am. From the simplicity of my Being-ness. I know that this one will take time to unravel, as so much who I’ve known myself to be is a doer, a creator, an express-or, and who am I without those things? What’s under that? Who’s under that? I can feel my ego grow weary as the truth comes to light that these are just attachments I had to a version of myself, but not mySelf.
Naturally being a more introverted person with my Tarot Master card being the Hermit, there’s a part of me that feels like I could go on living like this forever – in living quietly, simply, inward, in meditation and contemplation with Source – so I am very grateful for this time to deeply go within. However, I also know that where I come to know myself is magnified in the reflection of another, and what is our purpose being here in physical form if we’re not connecting with other humans?
Thank you for witnessing me and my feelings process. It is in your seeing me that I am healed and come to Know Thyself. Deep down I know that my inner Hermit needs friends and support too.
I am curious to know what feelings you have been experiencing as we’ve undergone this very different time in history. What feelings have you met with resistance? What feelings have you welcomed from this experience? How has the Coronavirus impacted you emotionally? I’d love to hear your thoughts and reflections.
That is all I write to you today beloveds. I truly hope you and yours are healthy and receiving the endless miracles the Divine is sending to humanity at this time. Please let me know how I can be of service to your heart <3
If you’d like extra support to assist you in these unprecedented times I am here to be a space of safety, compassion and truth in managing your frequency from Fear to Love. I am extending my offer of 20% off Remote Energy Processing sessions through June 1. 60minute sessions only. To schedule click my Calendly link HERE.
In reflection of my feelings,