Posted on August 17, 2019
Beauties I am back and in that Leo / Summer / Beast Mode Attack!
I loooooove summer. I love the heat and sun and sweat. I love the windows down and patio door open vibe. I especially like not having to wear much for clothes and can just rock my beachy “it only took me 10 minutes to shower and get dressed” look. Summer is my jam.
I just returned from my long sabbatical 2 weeks ago and it was such a good trip. Upon getting home I felt like I really got time away from work and responsibilities and the norm, it was quite refreshing and just the motivation I needed to get myself back up and flowing.
I really surprised my workaholic-self and managed to turn off emails and my compulsive business-mindset in the flip of a switch. I can’t tell you how healing that was for me. To not be constantly thinking about all the things I need to be doing, or trying to manage all my creative ideas. Woof. Praise the Goddess for this time off because my health needed it.
Speaking of health, some of you know this, but I have recently started Ketamine treatments for the anxiety and insomnia I often experience. Ketamine has been shown to drastically help people who suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and my Integrative Medicine Doc has been talking to me about it for a while. When I got home after still having quite a bit of insomnia on my trip, I had met my limit. I was ready to take the plunge, and this shit is edgy. I’m not going to go into all the history here, research it, it’s making some major waves in the mental health field.
After only 3 treatments I am noticing some major shifts.
1. I’m sleeping. It took about a week, but I’m finally able to fall asleep at night! Can I get an AMEN?! Thank the Queen of the stars for this shift! And as a result, I’ve been having more time in my day because I’m not laying in bed awake for endless hours of the night and have been waking up early naturally! Without an alarm clock! This has given me more time during the day to do all that I desire. It’s so wonderful.
2. I’m processing things differently. My reactions aren’t so fast, I’m responding with a different approach. I previously felt immense anxiety and pressure being an entrepreneur and trying to manage all the “things” and people I carry. So often friends would be so excited for my success, but I would just feel dreadful. I knew this is what I wanted, but I didn’t feel like my health was not supporting my Spirit. Needless to say, I would feel more pressure and stress from growing. It was a beast. But now I’ve been feeling super excited for all that I’ve created and am ecstatic to create more! All of a sudden feel confident in my ability to carry and create what my Soul longs for. Hallelujah!
3. I’ve been more in the flow more too. Moving and responding to Life. Less making myself wrong and letting things roll. More in the frequency of knowing that everything will work out. So much less worrying and spending time in that fearful, panic state. As my doc put it, for lack of better terms, “Ketamine resets the neurological motherboard” so it feels like my previous stressful response has shifted to a lighter, more confident and flowing response.
4. The anxiety isn’t completely gone, but it’s getting better. I haven’t been waking up and going straight into panic mode over the restless night / no sleep / late morning that was happening consistently. I’m still having some issues with my breathing, it can be really difficult to get a full deep breath, but that’s not happening quite as much.
5. Lastly, I’ve also noticed that I’ve been feeling much more in my heart space. Open, free, loving, and happy.
In it all, I’m finally starting to feel more like myself. More stable. More ease-ful. I feel like I’m able to trust myself again and not be on the emotional rollercoaster I was riding for so long. For the longest time I never wanted to feel normal, but now, it’s feeling so good that I’m starting too.
Blessings to you dear ones, wherever you’re at on your healing journey. This life-ride is wild. Here’s to pulling one more layer back on the health-healing train. Let us take the upsets in life as an opportunity to grow and evolve this Universe <3
With deep love and appreciation,