Updated on July 15, 2020
What I am most present to today is how much holding back my truth impacts me across all areas of my life. Because essentially, I am blocking energy, and energies natural function is to move.
When it doesn’t move, problems (or opportunities for growth, depending how you look at it) arise. These “problem opportunities” can go so far to manifest in physical form, in the creation of dis-ease, or in emotional form, like depression, or in mental form, like anxiety, the list goes on and on.
Holding back your truth may also show up like not knowing what to do with your life. Not feeling like you have a purpose or can tune into your mission, because when we hold ourselves back in one thing, we hold ourselves back in everything. It’s all connected, right?
Initiations are granted to us by the Universe so we can push beyond the limitations of our small self and transcend into more expansive states of consciousness, and oftentimes, initiations aren’t fun. They don’t feel good and my ego likes to think it’s never going to end, but I know it will end (move) to the degree that I remove resistance from it, as much as I can.
When I’m not resisting my life, new possibilities show up, because I’m no longer getting in the way. When I object, make wrong, try to force, fix and change, I’m no longer in my role, I’m in Creator’s role. And no matter how much I try to control the situation, I am not going to win, at least not in the long-run.
So what’s the best thing I can do? Align my vibration. What about when all this chaos is happening in the world? Align my vibration. What I mean by that specifically is ground to the Earth, open through your heart, connect to Source, and be guided by what feels good to you. When we’re following what feels good, there is little to no resistance.
Abraham Hicks calls it “Getting into the Vortex” which means getting yourself into a high vibrational state. This state is full of frequencies matching vibrations like ease and flow, gratitude and grace, joy and understanding. It does not include vibes like shame, blame, greed and self-righteousness. When we access our vortex, everything around us works itself out. So we needn’t go out and “do” in the world, what needs doing, will come.
I especially like Abraham’s Morning Rampage to start my day, here’s one of my favorites: https://youtu.be/FmczMP1gQzk
Blessed be to you dear ones. May you align to the Source within and connect to your I AM presence of all that is Whole, Well, and Complete.
In peace and space and grace,
Posted on June 10, 2020
For this month’s newsletter, I first want to share a quote by Bene Brown that is really resonating with me:
“Normal never was. Our pre-Corona existence was not normal other than we normalized greed, inequity, exhaustion, depletion, extraction, disconnection, confusion, rage, hoarding, hate, and lack. We should not long to return, my friends. We are being given an opportunity to stitch a new garment: one that includes ALL of humanity and NATURE.”
The way we have been living is not normal. The way we’ve been treating ourselves, each other and our home, the Earth, is not normal.
What’s it going to take for us humans to wake up? What’s it going to take for us to speak up and be vocally anti-racist and not just quietly non-racist?
What can we do? What can I do to empower movement for social justice of all POC and put an end to police brutality and white supremacy?
Who am I to take a stand?
These are questions I’ve been pondering the last few weeks since the horrific murder of George Floyd. And to be honest, I really don’t know. I am a novice when it comes to being an activist and truthfully, following current affairs. Admittedly I am seeing how I’ve been sticking my head in the sand out of “protection” for my empathic-ness and sensitivity, and I do believe some of that is necessary, and I am also finding there comes a time when we need to look. We need to bear witness to the injustices all around us and say something, act, and not let cruelty go unnoticed.
I want to stop hiding behind my fear of saying the wrong thing, looking ignorant or stirring up “messes” that could potentially negatively affect my life. How privileged am I that I even have a choice not to look? Not to say something? How privileged am I that I can hide from it and deny it’s truth?
I’ve truly been at a loss these last few weeks. I’m not saying there isn’t a silver lining, because I know there is. I’m not saying we haven’t learned a lot from Covid, we have.
What I’m saying is that I have been deeply saddened in how we’ve come to treat each other – our brothers and sisters – with such hate and malice. I’ve been mourning all the Black Lives we’ve lost to police brutality and stupidity. I’m grieving for there lives not lived and stopped abruptly. I’m grieving for the shock of their families. I’m just letting myself grieve.
I don’t need to move on from here yet. I don’t need to make it into a spiritual lesson yet. I don’t need to try and create a reasoning. None of that. Just here, in the grief. Using the momentum from the anger I feel as a catalyst to start where I can, and that’s by educating myself.
I’m honoring their Spirit by allowing the grieving process and doing the only thing I know how too from my place of white privilege, starting a book club on White Fragility with other white women to expand our knowledge and hopefully generate discussion that brings new awareness and creates change. (I’m also innocently and ironically laughing at the whiteness of this)
But even that just feels like a tiny pebble among billions and billions of grains of sand. It doesn’t feel like enough, but it’s a start. I’m grateful to all those fighting for justice, peacefully protesting, standing up and using their voice, praying for peace, and who are willing to join the conversation and are no longer willing to normalize inequality. I stand with you, as best as I can and know how. I commit to learning, growing, and stitching a new garment — one that works for EVERY-BODY.
Lastly, I wanted to share this writing that I found on Facebook. I posted it myself from a friends page, and it bears repeating.
I am white. And female. I am a citizen of the United States of America.
Here is what I know:
If I were suspected of using counterfeit money, chances are I would be asked to leave the store, but in the case that the police were called, I would NOT be thrown to the ground and mounted with knees in my neck. I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. #GeorgeFloyd #ISTILLcantbreathe #blackwhileshopping
If a friend who was under investigation sent a package to my house, would the police have entered my home in the middle of the night unannounced with full force and engaged my boyfriend in a firefight that killed me where I lie in my bed? No. It is likely they would have decided to question to me first, and I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. #BreonnaTaylor #blackwhilesleeping
If I was playing video games with my nephew, and left my door open for some fresh air and a neighbor called the police to come CHECK ON ME, the police would not have shot me through my window and lied about seeing a weapon on me. I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. #AtatianaJefferson #blackwhileathome
If I were pulled over with my significant other and young child in the car and disclosed to the officer that I had my legal weapon in the vehicle, I would NOT be shot while reaching for my license in front of my child and spouse. I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. #PhilandroCastile #blackwhiledriving #blackwhilecomplying
If I were accused of selling cigarettes on the sidewalk and there was an escalation leading to my arrest, I would not have been tackled by 5 officers. I would not have been choked to death while repeating that I could not breathe while one officer refused to stop choking me and another pressed my face into the pavement. I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. #ICANTBREATHE #EricGarner #blackwhilestanding
If I was an active duty Marine Sergeant who was just in a car crash with my two daughters, and failed to show my hands to officers while showing a “mean” expression I would NOT have been shot and killed in front of my daughters. In fact, I would have probably received the fastest ambulance response available for myself and my daughters. Regardless, I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. #ManuelLogginsJr #blackwhileinneed
If my family and I were in search of food and shelter after one of the nations most horrific natural disasters, I would NOT have been shot in the back and killed next while the remaining 5 members of my family were wounded in the gunfire, and one other killed. I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. #RonaldMaddison #JamesBrisette #blackwhilesurviving
If I was suspected of a crime, and when stopped and asked for identification by police I reached for my wallet, I would not have been shot 19 times as an unarmed person. I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE #AmadouDiallo #blackwhilewalking #blackwhilecomplying
This is not just about good cops and bad cops and poor judgement. Because there are things that lead UP to this.
If I were birdwatching in a public park, and a woman came around the corner with her dog off leash, then refuse to leash him when I asked her to, would she have weaponized calling the police as a means to intimidate me? Would she then have falsely claimed on that call that I was threatening her life and safety? No, she would not have. #ChristianCooper #BlackWhileBirdwatching
Oh, you’re tired of reading? I am TIRED of people of color being senselessly murdered and then vilified afterwards.
I will NEVER know what it is to walk in the shoes of any person of color. But I do know that it is my job to stand beside EVERY person of color and become an activist that helps dismantle the system that has been set up to empower me and people who look like me to get away with acts of hate every single day.
(I did not write this- full credit to original poster Jillian Marie)
In condolences of all #BlackLivesMatter lost,
Posted on May 18, 2020
Happy May Day! (Or May Month 🙂
I always loved creating May Day baskets when I was a little girl. “Sneaking” up and putting my baskets on my neighbors doors, ringing the bell and then running back to my moms car. Squeeling and “hoping” they didn’t catch me. (I’m sure the car was a dead give-away ;p )
I continue to be curious by my process as well as the collectives by the Coronavirus. What I’ve been noticing for myself these last few weeks are many feelings I am not used too. Feelings that have developed from all the space and slow down provided by this pandemic.
As of late, I’ve been feeling feelings like contentment, simplicity, basic-ness, boredom, and a little sadness, loneliness and depression. No so much on the latter ones; the sadness, loneliness and depression came in waves a few different days, and I did my best to just let them be here and not create too many stories about what to do with them or how long they’ll stay.
I am more interested in the contentment, simplicity and boredom. I don’t know that I have ever really felt contentment for extended periods of time. Contentment is usually a fleeting feeling for me that never stays around for very long, before I usually push it away with my eagerness, ambition and excitement to create something, do something, or learn something new. Thoughts will pop up, wondering if I “should be doing something” while experiencing contentment. I’ll notice fear arise and think maybe I’m missing something or forgetting something. I have to assure myself that I’m not, and if I am, it’s okay, it will get noticed when the time is right – even if it’s late – I can make up for it then.
This is a totally new experience for me, to let myself have more space to let things happen as they happen, and not frenetically worry about missing things or getting behind. Historically I have kept myself on a much shorter leash, and I’m seeing how that’s created a lot more anxiety for myself and tension in my body. I’m allowing myself to relax more through life and it feels like such a gift and weird at the same time.
Then there’s this new concept of simplicity I’ve been exploring. I have NEVER wanted a simple life. I’ve always liked a lot going on and have known myself to be a mover and shaker and a busy body. Well, thank you again, Coronavirus, for introducing me to a new part of myself that sees the beauty and peacefulness of Simplicity. What I like about simplicity is: it’s always one thing at a time, just a few things a day, no multitasking, no over-doing it, it’s Ease, and Flow, and what feels good. I grew up on a farm with a family that I would say lives pretty simply. I didn’t really like it and could never understand why they did as I craved more action. But now I’m seeing why they like it – it’s definitely more settling to the nervous system! I’m also seeing true joy arise from enjoying the “simple” things in life. I’ve recently been really enjoying the simplicity of cooking, baking and just taking care of my partner, pets, plants and home.
I relate simplicity to basic-ness. In living more of a basic life, I’ve actually been feeling more connected to Source. I’ve been hearing Spirits guidance much more clearly and my clairvoyance has heightened. I know this is due to less noise in my field. Less outside influences, less commitments and responsibilities, less obligations. I’ve been asking my guides how to keep this level of clarity once the commitments and responsibilities fill back in when the Virus lifts, and I continue to hear that I’m going to have keep this slower pace, regardless of whether or not the world does.
Then there’s boredom. Man, I was fighting boredom last week. The feelings that accompanied boredom were uninspired, dull, bleak, bland, heavy, blaaaaaaahhhhhh…lololollol yuck! I notice that I really don’t like this feeling! And then I get curious, what is it about this feeling I don’t like? I don’t like that it makes me feel “un-alive” “unproductive” annndd…unworthy. If I’m not doing something or expressing or creating, then who am I and what is my worth? I still feel massive resistance to this feeling. I can feel it in my chest and stomach. I ask myself to give it space and allow it to be there. More processing on this one. I remember really not liking being bored as a kid and I would “busy myself” with play and make believe and always find something to do. This was required living out in the country with no other kids around. I learned how to keep myself occupied because I had too. Otherwise I’d drive myself and my parents nuts! Like all things, I see this as a blessing – I can nearly entertain myself at all costs – and it has a shadow aspect – I’ve trained myself to always be entertained.
Out of all this, I feel that I have changed, or perhaps more accurately said, am Becoming more that Source designed me to be. Removing layers of busy-ness, and over-doing and over-giving. Which were all masking a feeling of unworthiness (If I do this and create this and give this, will I be enough? Will that make me worthy?) I see how the unworthiness wound has been shedding, and I’ve been in transition to understand my worth not from what I do, but who I am. From the simplicity of my Being-ness. I know that this one will take time to unravel, as so much who I’ve known myself to be is a doer, a creator, an express-or, and who am I without those things? What’s under that? Who’s under that? I can feel my ego grow weary as the truth comes to light that these are just attachments I had to a version of myself, but not mySelf.
Naturally being a more introverted person with my Tarot Master card being the Hermit, there’s a part of me that feels like I could go on living like this forever – in living quietly, simply, inward, in meditation and contemplation with Source – so I am very grateful for this time to deeply go within. However, I also know that where I come to know myself is magnified in the reflection of another, and what is our purpose being here in physical form if we’re not connecting with other humans?
Thank you for witnessing me and my feelings process. It is in your seeing me that I am healed and come to Know Thyself. Deep down I know that my inner Hermit needs friends and support too.
I am curious to know what feelings you have been experiencing as we’ve undergone this very different time in history. What feelings have you met with resistance? What feelings have you welcomed from this experience? How has the Coronavirus impacted you emotionally? I’d love to hear your thoughts and reflections.
That is all I write to you today beloveds. I truly hope you and yours are healthy and receiving the endless miracles the Divine is sending to humanity at this time. Please let me know how I can be of service to your heart <3
If you’d like extra support to assist you in these unprecedented times I am here to be a space of safety, compassion and truth in managing your frequency from Fear to Love. I am extending my offer of 20% off Remote Energy Processing sessions through June 1. 60minute sessions only. To schedule click my Calendly link HERE.
In reflection of my feelings,
Posted on April 15, 2020
It is always so curious to me that given the day I finally sit down and choose to write this, I could be coming from such a vastly different space than I was when I thought about writing it yesterday or last week. The human experience itself is complex, add in a global pandemic and we’re really in for a ride!
I chose to write this today because I’m very much in my heart. You know that feeling after you have been undergoing a lot of highly emotional situations and once you’re on the other side of them, that feeling in your heart that it finally feels like it’s holding less, but is still somewhat heavy from the weight? You feel exhausted from the feelings-process and may be still grieving and holding some sorrow? That’s where I am today.
My heart is open, full, and drained at the same time.
When the Stay at Home Order for Covid came into place I heard my Higher Self say it was finally time for me to address some not-so-fun situations in my life. That I would have the extra space to process my emotions, so I needed to stop thinking about doing said things and to look my fear straight in the eye and do them. No one said the transformational path was easy, right?
So, last week I began writing letters to friends from childhood that I felt liked needed mending. 4 total, and I started with what I felt like would be the easiest – practice right?- and built from there. Last week’s letters went well. Although they were still somewhat uncomfortable to write as I nervously put myself out there to address any incompletion, the acts were well received and harmony was restored.
Then, this week I finished my last one. The most difficult where I had the most “skin in the game” so to say, and it’s been pretty brutal. It was not received as well, and harmony has not been restored. I suspected as much, but it still hasn’t made it any easier to grapple with. Its brought up a lot from my past. When I was young and immature and frankly, just messed up in this friendship. Not intentionally, just being my young self at the time. We both did, but most of it seems to be falling more on my shoulders.
This experience has been causing me to look really deeply at myself. To sit in lots of uncomfortable emotions and feel them. To fully acknowledge my screw ups and stand in my humility and ask forgiveness.
Synchronistically, right at this same time I made a huge mistake and accidentally cut my fur baby Rico’s leg. Him and I are soulmates and always seem to be matching each other move for move. I get hurt, he gets hurt. I take a blow, he takes a blow. Well, his leg has been going through a healing process this past 1.5 weeks a lot like my heart has; and just last night, when we think he’s out of the dark and his wound has pretty much healed, he begins limping and holding his leg up.
This happened right after I also had a huge breakdown around this one last friendship I was trying to mend. The pain of potentially losing her after 20 years of close friendship cut me to the bone – just like my boys – and I collapsed in an anxious fit and sorrow. I’ve hurt my baby boy and one of my former best friends. Man, today is a hard day.
Rico and I stayed up pretty much all night. Him agitated from the pain he was in and unable to express it to me. Me fearing all of his pacing around, in sorrow and grief about how I messed up with him and my friend, feeling frozen in fight / flight as I questioned my whole life and we held each other. (Yeah it was one of those nights) and I couldn’t wait for daylight so I could call the vet and get him in for an appointment.
Well, the good news is Rico’s going to be okay. He’s healing just fine, and what I learned from Rico is that after I hurt him he forgave me right away. I didn’t even need to apologize and he let it go. Just like that. He was still hurt, there’s a wound, but he didn’t hang onto anything.
So I’ve been in a similar process myself. Learning how to forgive myself, not beat myself up, and move on. Regardless of whether my friend forgives me, to tend to my own wounds, forgive myself and move on. I don’t have it down-pat like Rico, but I’m present to it and practicing his process.
Then I look at Covid-19 and I see that the whole world is in a forgiveness process right now. Us humans asking forgiveness from Mother Earth. For how much we’ve destructed and taken from her, while she has relentlessly given to us. We are in a forgiveness practice with each other. How we’ve ignored and been too busy to see or care for one another.
And most importantly, we are in a forgiveness practice with ourselves. How much we beat ourselves up for making mistakes when we’re in Life school. Learning the curriculum and doing the best we can.
Rico recognized my hurting him immediately as an accident and forgave. Can you do that for yourself? I think one of the purposes Covid came through was to insert a forced slow down so we can reflect and give space to the thing we so often put off – the cry of our own hearts.
Maybe this time isn’t so much for a “doing and creating something out there” but doing and creating something In Here. In the heart space. I believe that’s where we’re headed. A place where structures and programs not created in heart coherence will continue to collapse and fall. That as we move into 5D there will be less matching frequency to uphold unaligned systems.
I know for myself I have not been able to produce anything at this time because I continue to hear my guides say now is not the time for that. Now is the time for the heart-space. To be quiet. Internal and in the heart. To develop compassion and forgiveness. That if you’re going to create, make sure it’s from the heart space, because nothing else is going to matter in the end.
That is all I write to you today beloveds. I truly hope you and yours are healthy and receiving the endless miracles the Divine is sending to humanity at this time. Please let me know how I can be of service to your heart <3
If you’d like extra support to assist you in these unprecedented times I am here to be a space of safety, compassion and truth in managing your frequency from Fear to Love. I am offering 20% off Virtual 60 Minute Energy sessions through April 27. To schedule click my Calendly link HERE.
Updated on March 18, 2020
I write to you from my heart at this time. We are at an interesting place in evolution. A place I’ve never been before and have no idea how to conduct myself in. A container I haven’t experienced in this lifetime, and I have found myself very uncertain this week. I can feel the collective fear of humanity from across the world and it has shaken me.
Upon arriving home last week from 2 weeks of jungle life in Costa Rica, I couldn’t be bothered by the pandemic of the Corona Virus. It wasn’t on my radar and after living in wild + plant life for so long, my energy field felt free and open, expansive and clear. I was in tune with Universal laws as my truth. That I am always being taken care of. That Life loves and supports me. That there is more than enough to go around. That there’s nothing to be afraid of, that energy is just moving through space as it always does, and at this time, it happens to be a thing called CoVid 19. I felt totally neutral about the whole situation – including the stock market tanking. All was well in the world.
Then, I started listening to the news more. I began speaking with people who were alarmed. I received YouTube links from friends on the CDC. I received sudden news of a family member dying… and my nervous system began to become unsettled. The internal feeling in my core was edgy, my head was spinning. I was no longer in my center, I had gotten swept up into the chaos of the collective energy.
This is, by no one’s fault either. Us human’s are on a journey of learning how to stay connected to our truth and that is the one Universal Truth for us all, and that is Love. That love is the way, the how, the when, the answer.
As I sat in meditation this morning, I tuned myself into the quantum field, where everything exists and lives as possibility. I let myself expand and felt my dense particles of fear return to waves of potential. Ahhh, there I am. There’s my truth. I saw my awareness move above me and I asked my guides for support. To return me back home to myself. After hanging out in the field for a while, I felt an enormous amount of love come back into my heart and I finally felt ready to write this email to you.
I have agonized over what I wanted to say in my March newsletter. When I first got home I was pumped to write it and share “all the things” Costa Rica from my trip. But as time went on and I didn’t get to it, I began to feel less inspired. I tried writing it and put it down. Wrote a version Monday, nah that’s not it. Wrote another one yesterday, nope, not you either. Finally this morning, after doing the work I needed to do to return to my heart, I was ready.
I want to say also that I know this Virus is a real thing and needs a certain amount of our attention so we can stay informed and make responsible choices for ourselves and our brothers and sisters of this world. That it is important that we follow the guidelines provided by our federal and local governments and that we take extra care and precautions at this time.
That we must do what we can, but also know that we can only control our own actions and that it is in our best interest to yes remain aware, but to also maintain some distance from all the energy that accompanies the Corona Virus. That includes how much media we’re allowing into our senses. Remember that the media also promotes panic to sell pills and on and on. Because as I saw this morning, I had allowed other people’s opinions and voices to take over my own, and it was very easy to do. The gross amount of fear that this pandemic is producing is palpable, and that’s where overwhelm and stress come in – which is a breeding ground to contract the virus itself.
In case you aren’t aware, fear weakens the immune system for 6 hours – 6 hours! Which makes us much more available to catch the virus. So the way I see it, the best thing we can do for ourselves is keep our energy up. Move your body, put on some music and shake when you start to feel that heavy feeling in your heart. Phone a friend, consult your pets or plants.
And if you’d like extra support to assist you in managing these uncertain times,
I am offering 20% off Virtual 60 Minute Energy Healing and Energy Processing sessions where you can let it all out and be held, seen, and heard. We’ll connect to the quantum and reinforce Universal truth to return your energy body to homeostasis and love. To schedule click my Calendly link HERE.
This offer will be in effect until April 18th and sessions are to be used between now and then. This may also shift in response to how CoVid takes form.
PS: My Chakra Basics workshop scheduled for this Saturday, March 21st has moved online! It’s the perfect time to connect to your energy body and learn about how you manifest your frequency. Click link below to register 🙂
All my love,
Updated on May 30, 2022
I have never loved the month of February more. And, I never thought I’d say that. Granted, from my perspective, it hasn’t been that bad with 50 degree days sprinkled in here and there and still quite a bit of sunshine, but I have been noticing how I’ve actually been yearning for more cold, snowy, overcast days. I’ve really been enjoying the Hermit-ing and Hibernating that winter brings.
This has also been revealing how important this time of year is. To go inside of ourselves, to rest-rest-rest — which I have been so gloriously been doing a lot of! Especially over the last week. How good it feels to slooowww down, relax more, let my body heal and mind wonder. To have extra time for the “whatever” read a book, lounge with my pups, hang with my man. It feels good to chill.
I have also noticed that I am not very social right now. I have not really been wanting to talk or connect or meet up with friends like I usually do. I feel quite content in the silence or listening to some easy music. I’ve had to almost force myself into the outings with friends that I’ve had, either my inner-knowing, knowing that it’s good for me, or my ego pushing me out of the house, I’m really not sure which one, and, it doesn’t really matter. What I’m loving about this is, I’m just watching how my energy shifts with the seasons and I’m flowing with what feels right for the most part.
How juicy is that? To be where I’m at fully, with almost no-judgment or FOMO, just allowing this phase of energy to move me and move through me, responding to what’s here and following what feels good…well, that’s what I’ve been training myself for. To be at peace in the present moment, with exactly what’s here and what’s not, now that’s freedom.
I am sitting here in stillness, in the silence on Monday morning, writing this to you. My pups conked out on the couch, nestled around my hips. I’m looking out my big living room window at the bare trees and gray sky, and I see so much beauty. I love the change of perspective the trees provide in winter. How much more of the city I see, it provides a whole other view.
I leave for Costa Rica next week. My partner and I are vacationing for 7 days before I attend and teach at a Women’s Retreat. As I approach this trip, I am present and beyond amazed, almost speechless at how I am literally living my dream. That the energy I hold for myself in co-creation with the Universe allows me to manifest that which I intend and envision. And that I’m always doing this, whether it is intentional or not. That what I’m thinking, feeling and being is what creates my experience. I have been tuning into this more and more, and the more I look, the more I see how powerful we are.
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With rest, relaxation and flow,
Posted on January 22, 2020
I am just returning from co-leading the Guatemala Magic Women’s Yoga & Healing Retreat and I am still glowing and soaring from this experience. What a Treat this Retreat was!
What I am first present too, is the cohesiveness my dear friend and co-leader, Lauren Leduc, of Karma Tribe Yoga, and I had. This was a our 3rd year leading this retreat together and it felt like it deepened and flowed in a way that it never had before. (3rd times a charm, right?) I think what showed up was the work we’ve both been doing on ourselves, softening down into our bodies and following more of the feminine principles of allowing and trust. Not to mention, we both we’re just in a much better place in our lives.
I had two major shifts happen for me while I was there. The first was during our Mayan Fire Ceremony lead by a Native Shaman. We had written what we’d like to burn and bless on papers, and he came around giving us a bowl full of sand, rocks and wood to put the paper in. We were to go up to the fire and put the contents into it, giving it away.
Well, I couldn’t exactly see what was happening or how to do this as I was sitting directly behind the demonstration. So when it was my turn, I went up and said a prayer of gratitude and poured some of it in. I went to hand him the bowl and he motioned for me to dump all of it into the fire. I immediately laughed because this was an exact representation of my nature. “You want me to let go of all of it?!” I said softly and chuckled out loud. Wow, received that message from Spirit and how I continue to hold onto things in my life, thinking I need to learn through suffering. Not knowing how to let go. Ha! Well when I realized this I threw the rest into the fire and said to Spirit, “I get it, lol, this is comical. I can be so unaware of how I just naturally, and automatically hold onto pain in my life. I can just let it go and choose to have fun!”
It was one of those moments that was truly an alchemical process. I literally was changing matter into smoke, air and ether by burning these items, caught myself in the act of hanging on, and got to laugh it out – the laughter and playfulness of it lifting the heavy frequency to a higher vibration. I immediately felt elated after and continued to choose living, learning and being from a place of joy the rest of the week and not from pain and suffering. This is a huge new discovery for who I’ve been in this life, I would especially say since the age of 23, and I don’t just feel it in my head. It not only resonates as a knowing, but as an embodiment as well. I can feel the change in my body energetically. A shift from living in fear to living in love.
The second major shift that happened for me, that I believe was one of the products of the first shift in the fire ceremony, was all of this playfulness, expansion, and adventuress side came out of me. I was being fun and exuding it everywhere. Laughing and playing around. I felt joyful and was offering that joy to my interactions, with humans and non.
Even some of my fears faded and I went running and jumped off a high dock into the lake! Didn’t even think or stop to hesitate. It felt amazing to soar through the air and splash down into the water. Screaming in delight and basking in the cold water. I got into the lake again later that week and went swimming, something in past years has deterred me by the low temp of the water and murkiness of the lake. I adverturessly explored hiking around the retreat center. I could just feel more of a playful, bold and daring side of me take hold and express itself with less fear than I have had in quite some time. I have always had this side to me, but a lot of it got lost in pain and suffering for over a decade. A decade where I learned a lot, but was finally ready to move on and let go of.
I have got to say, it feels so good to have this part of my self back. I missed her and look forward to seeing what other fun she has and how she chooses joy, love and expansion….and anything else she’d like to feel and embody.
I got to see the sisters on this retreat open to this too. To witness them blossom from matter to energy as the week went on and we worked our way up the Chakra’s and elements from Earth to Ether. To see them undergo an alchemical process themselves. Transforming what has made them most heavy, to what makes them most light.
That is the process we are all undergoing, whether we’re conscious of it or not and no matter at what pace. It took me quite a while of sludging around in the mud, thinking it was mine to hold onto and I needed it to learn, to finally see that we all have a choice. Yes, we all can have extreme experiences in life that can take us down and break us at the knees; and we get to choose what we make of them. How we learn from them and if we choose to turn that pain into our passion and purpose. To light us up and fuel our desires.
This is the alchemical process of learning to listen from our hearts. By making the trek from living in our heads, to being in our hearts.
PS: Stay tuned to my Instagram @lisalolaliving + Facebook Business Page Lisa Lola Healing Arts to see photo’s from this amazing retreat! The pic above is from Villa Sumaya, the retreat center where we stayed. I HIGHLY recommend this place for groups or even a private writing or couples retreat. You will not be disappointed. Check out their website here: Villa Sumaya
With joy, love and expansion,
Updated on May 30, 2022
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you!
Wow, I could share soooo much in this month’s newsletter as December has been FULL of triggers, transformation, vulnerability, and expansion. The thing I am most present to however is, Community.
This month I had the opportunity to organize a rather large community event, and it changed me. I have organized this event before, but this time, it was different. It turned out to be much larger than ones in the past, requiring me to ask for help and seek the support of a team. It was so interesting how it all came together. From the get-go it felt like this collective “team” knew we all needed each other and we were in agreement to work together before I knew we needed it. It seemed like they just “showed up” one day and there we were, just working together and making things happen.
Wow, I was blown away by this collaborative effort and how fun it was! I had never experienced anything like this before. My history of group projects or working on teams in my past was nothing like this. Before my experience in things like this is usually one or two people leading and doing all the work, and the rest slacking off and not really present. I have been in both of these roles. Playing the leadership role, but then getting resentful and burdened by all the work, and then slipping to the other side seeking revenge from all the times I had to do everything.
My limiting belief of “I have to do this all on my own” and “I can only trust myself to get this done and get this done right” got completely blown out of the water. The way this group of people showed up and put in their best effort for a greater cause helped me to see something much larger that I’ve been needing to see but haven’t had access too, and that was I can trust others to support me in business.
As many of you know, I have been a one-woman-band. A solo entrepreneur, doing everything for my business. Creating and recreating it continuously, developing myself as an intuitive healer, all the way down to scheduling and setting the space. It had been becoming more and more clear that I needed support (and I hired someone this year, more on that another time) but this recent collaborative effort opened me to new possibility. Of teamwork actually working. In Landmark there is a distinction of Workability, of all parts cohesively working together to make the Whole. I experienced workability with this group. Here is what that looked and felt like:
Throughout the creation process, it felt like things were just happening, and I was just flowing along with the tide. The team was showing up, making themselves available, and doing the work. Everyone was really chipping in and stepping up and supporting one another – I was blown away by how it all just “worked.” I hadn’t been part of a team that really worked together for the betterment of the whole, at least not for a long time, and it felt like riding waves in the ocean. The tide came in – something came up, we addressed it, took care of it – the tide went out. And on and on this process went. We were in flow and it felt like a family was being built between us.
Then, what’s even more, is that what I became present too throughout the process of preparing for this event, and the actual event itself, was the transformation of myself shifting from “I” to “We.” That this was no longer about me, and that I really didn’t even care about where I was in the group, that no longer seemed to be there or matter. What mattered more was the group being taken care of. It felt like my energy body elevated and I was no longer “down in” myself and worried about what was going on with me and all my “small” (ego) problems. I was above myself, floating from a higher plane of existence, more concerned with the Whole. This feeling that, so long as the Community was taken care of, I would be as well.
This is a new view for me and I see where I get this from. I recently read in one of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s books that children don’t really learn what there parents tell them, they learn how there parents are, and how they act. My mom will agree that on the surface, we’re not that much alike. But when I look deeper, I now see that this sense of Community building, and bonding, and holding, and managing is EXACTLY like my mother. She has been a pillar of her church and work community longer than I’ve been alive, and she just does it. She just shows up, like it’s a part of her, and it doesn’t appear to take anything from her and or even seem like she’s doing anything. She’s just being who she innately is, and out of that is the expression of supporting and loving others. She can’t not do it.
That’s how I feel and who I’ve really come to know who I am. I’m a space for others. For their everything and all of them. Offering healing, permission and allowance for them to be themselves, to have what they have, doing my best to not make anything wrong, and being willing to look at it when I do. I always have been this, it’s always been there, and all the right “things” have Divinely “happened” for me to get to this point of realization that, there is something Much Larger happening than people coming into my field and healing, we are weaving heart coherence on the planet and bringing Community together, Together. It’s a co-creative process.
So mom, I appreciate you, for being who you are. For selflessly putting others before you, teaching me the importance of bringing people together and showing up.
Spirit has been telling me that 2020 will be about Relationships for me, the magic has obviously already started. I’m more clear than ever that I came to help Build and Heal Community.
With deep love,
Posted on November 18, 2019
You know what makes my life sooooo much better now than it was even 1 year ago?
Sisterhood. For the past 5 years I have been working on healing the wounded-ness of sisterhood within me, and actively creating it with women I feel safe with, am inspired by, and have fun with.
This has not been the easiest task. When I set out to start building these relationships, everything that was unhealed from the past came up. I had undergone a massive betrayal of my sisters in 6th grade when one day I came to school and my posse of 6 girl-friends turned on me. They would not talk to me or look at me, they pointed and whispered to each other when they saw me, I received hate notes and came home crying every night to my mom. This went on for 6 months. I was alone, scared, and confused. I didn’t know what happened, I didn’t know what I did, and frankly I was too scared to even ask. It went so far that my mom came to school and had a meeting about it with the principal. I was experiencing my first major feeling of rejection and heartbreak.
After while, it all got sorted out. I found out from 2 of my friends that a new girl who had started at our school told all my friends that I was saying hateful things about them. They believed her, took her in, and left me. What’s interesting is that same girl told me my friends were saying nasty things about me. It was the perfect betrayal to crack open my heart.
When I set out on this journey to re-build sisterhood, I was not still angry with the girl who betrayed me. What was left was this feeling of “not good enough” and like I didn’t belong. I longed to belong, but felt like if I was my full self, my friends would leave. This created all sorts of mixed up situations with sisters along the way of healing this deep wound of unworthiness. I would be defensive of sisters and take things the wrong way. I would question if they were trying to hurt me and if I could trust them. It created this push/pull dynamic where I felt like I could never let go and be fully seen. I so wanted to be gotten but felt like I had to be on my toes, watching and waiting for the other shoe to drop when someone started to get close.
The period of healing this trauma was at times agonizing and painful and like it would never go away or get fully complete. It hurt to keep revisiting these deep feelings of rejection and unworthiness. And it’s not like I was going out and seeking them, they would just come up in my misinterpretation of another sister, or my fear of just confronting situations and asking what was going on.
But slowly, over time, by sticking to my commitment of healing my wounded-ness in sisterhood, it began to heal and blossom. What it looked like was being vulnerable and putting myself out there. I made a commitment to myself to plan to see or talk to at least one sister every week in the beginning. This was hairy at first. I went through all sorts of ups and downs. I’d want to cancel at the last moment, I’d fear the meeting all week. I didn’t think I could show up because I’d be “a mess” and wasn’t sure if that would be okay for her. The list goes on and on. But as I kept at it, connections were built and bonds were formed. Through my sensing I picked out women I adored and who I also felt the most safe with. I would extend myself to these women and make myself available for them. I had a keen knowing of how important our being together in this world was. When this was reciprocated, I knew I could trust them.
Now today I stand, in deep relationships with sisters who see me, get me, and allow me to be exactly as I am. There is no fear of how I need to show up or what I can say or can’t. This has been one of the greatest permissions I’ve received in my life. To have women reflecting love and compassion when I’m in my darkest of times. For them to have “nothing about” where I am emotionally allows me to keep showing up fully as my truest of self. There permission of me to shift and sway, bend and break, be up and down is exactly the process that has supported my evolution.
We need these relationships. We are tribal people. Us women used to be together while the men were away hunting or at war. We used to sing together while we washed, take care of each other’s children, laughed together while we cooked and brushed each others hair. We were meant to be together. To love and support one another.
I am so happy to share that I cleaned up 2 more relationships with sisters over the weekend. Things that were misunderstood and I am so grateful for them and their hearts to return to love. I am reminded that we need the contrast in order to grow. Without the darkness we experienced our relationship would not have had the opportunity to expand and evolve.
This work is important. I have been very aware that I haven’t just been healing the wounded-ness of sisterhood within me, but within the collective. In a society that has plagued women against each other. Encouraging us to compete and compare, there is a mass healing of sisters coming back together across the planet and it’s raising the vibration of the Divine Feminine and is required to restore Mother Earth. (Hint: She’s called MOTHER Earth ;p )
This past year has really brought through a huge transformation of bonds in sisterhood, and I am so grateful to myself and my sisters who are up for doing this work and recognize it’s importance. We need each other. It doesn’t just take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to raise a conscious evolutionary adult.
This goes the same for men too in brotherhood. Imagine what would happen if we stopped separating ourselves from each other, which scatters our energy, and came together in support of one another. This would reconnect our energy to the Wholeness that we are as seen by Source and vibrate out into the comic consciousness of the Universe.
With deep love and appreciation, I bow to you Sisters and Brothers <3
Posted on October 18, 2019
What I am experiencing as the fall temps and burning trees set in, is a natural settling into myself as we come down from the heat of summer and prepare for the death of winter.
In nature this process is so instinctive, and I notice how I have resisted this coming down in previous, younger years. How the Leo in me just wants to shine and express all the time, but as I’ve aged and been doing my softening feminine work, I am accepting and enjoying the turn inward.
As I deepen more into myself, I notice a peacefulness run through my nervous system and a heightened awareness of how much I’ve been holding on. Many lifetimes of holding on. Of fear running the show. Of fighting, so much fighting – myself, my partners, my family, my friends, the world.
Oh how much I can hear myself being called into sweet surrender by my guides. I hear them saying, “let go my love, just a little more, it’s okay, you’re okay, all is well, everything is perfect…” and I momentarily slip into the 5th dimension of pure love, light, awareness and presence, and it is Divine! I let myself float and soar and Be.
And then the dog barks or the phone rings, I am called back to the plane of form. Of this 3 dimensional consciousness that can get so confusing to our light bodies. Or rather, we forget how easy it is and make this human experience complicated. It is not complicated when we know what Love is. When we’re willing to Surrender to Love. To Spirit. To the our Higher Selves.
That is my practice right now, Ishvara Pranidhana – which literally translates to Surrender to the Divine. Every time my ego revs up I hear Spirit say, “Surrender dear” or I get in my head and think I need to DO something about what’s happening, I’ve got to fix this, figure this out, and on and on and on the energy rattles and snakes and builds in my head. I hear Pachamama herself say, “oh no sweetie, not that way, this way —> exhale, soften.” The trees sing Let-Go in their breeze.
Oh I am being called, called into a deeper layer. I can feel the unknown lurking and the void breathing. It feels as though I am undergoing many moons as I pull back the shadows to reveal the next expression of Self that is making her way through.
I soften, surrender, and let the Goddess hold me in her arms. At once I remember I am okay.
Can you relate to the turn inward and the collective invitation of Surrender at this time of year? If so, I invite you to come practice with me. I am currently leading a 6 week Ishvara Pranidhana ~ Surrender to the Divine Meditation Series at Karma Tribe Yoga. Details & Registration link below.
Much love to you on your Surrendering journey. Cheers to the Unknown <3
With deep love and appreciation,