Updated on August 21, 2018
I can’t believe it’s already almost the end of August. Summer always seems to fly by so fast, which feels bittersweet to me as I love the days of sunshine and sandals.
Last month I shared about relationships, the incongruences and complexities I had been rubbing up against, and this month, as I sit down to write this, all that is coming to mind is how down I’ve been feeling. I may get up for a few hours or a day, but there is still this heavy feeling in the background I can’t quite put my finger on.
A heaviness in my mind that doesn’t feel excited for anything, a heaviness in my body that doesn’t want to do anything, a heaviness in my spirit who hasn’t had much zest for life. These are all uncomfortable feelings for me, as I’m just not used to being this way, it’s not my “normal” structure. But, it’s where I am, so I continue to try to “be okay it,” surrender more into it, and allow the heaviness to be here. (Ugh. Easier said then done.)
However, what I’m finding is, when we can truly give ourselves permission to be where we are, the judgment or story we have around where we are can fall away, and a space opens for the energy to move. As we settle into the uncomfortable feelings, we let go of our resistance and the walls can begin to come down, this provides a learning opportunity for something new to arise from the shadow.
Last night we had our group call for the Turn On Your Feminine Magic course I’m in and we are moving into the next archetype of the class, which is the Dark Feminine or Shadow Feminine. I knew going into the call this was exactly where I’ve been – caught up in the parts of me unknown, lost in my shadow, fearing the darkness I’ve been in and scared I won’t come out – and as my instructor spoke, she confirmed everything I’d been feeling about the Shadow Self. Her words began to lightly open up the scared little girl inside of me, validating my experience as a part of life that is here to help us grow. Thank you Goddess for this shift.
Although the darkness is feared, it is our greatest teacher. Often we don’t learn very much from our happy parts, it’s more the pieces of us that are gnarly and hurting that really grab our attention and push us into change and transformation as we desire a more loving, whole life.
What I also have to keep reminding myself is that it usually isn’t the actual thing I do or have done that is challenging me, it’s the judgment I put on myself about the thing I did that causes me so much heartache and pain. I’m really trying to watch my inner dialogue and what I’m making things mean. It takes awareness, willingness, and commitment to rewire ourselves from the programming of fear to one of acceptance and love.
This whole game called life and being a Spirit in a human body is a process dear ones. We have all been conditioned into some degree of scarcity, and it’s up to us to take our power back and remember who we are.
Infinite + Eternal + Loving + Light Beings = Here to be Free + Create + Share this Experience Together