Posted on April 25, 2022
Above all else, I want to see.
Our misuse of words, black and white programming, and not understanding the fullness of what things mean can have us throw speculations, judgements, and ideas around so haphazardly. When we do this we become so disconnected from the truth of love in our hearts and we do our brothers and sisters a great disservice because we are not seeing how that can have a real human impact on them, and thus us, because we are one and the same. When we feel urgently compelled to make assumptions and accusations of what’s happening “out there” we aren’t connecting to the deep feelings and unmet needs within ourselves that created the stories and projections in the first place.
I have been undergoing a very deep teaching in the power of what we think things mean, and how that shapes our beliefs of ourselves and each other, without us knowing whether that story is anywhere close to being valid or true. The power of our minds to create fear and pain is just as powerful as our ability to create joy and love, and they produce vastly different experiences. And we always have a choice in this matter.
I’ve also really been experiencing the impact of rumors and gossip and how absolutely demolishing and ostracizing that can be for an individual and community. The experience reminds me of when I was in 6th grade and I showed up to school one day and all of a sudden, my friend group of 8 girls who’d I’d been tight with for years, all of a sudden hated me and were putting death threats in my locker. I didn’t understand. I wondered what I did. I came home from school bawling every day for 6 months to my mom because I didn’t know what happened and because of my already built in guilty conscience, thought I did something wrong to create this. Later on one of my friends finally told me that a new girl who had moved to our school told my friends that I had said absolutely disgusting things about them. I was flabbergasted. I had no idea anyone would ever do anything like that. I was shocked, stunned, confused, and so deeply hurt.
Feeling back into that now, my little girl inside still feels a bit hurt and abandoned by that experience, but the woman in me knows the deep truth that if it’s not love, it’s a call for love. And the new girl, underneath her words of fear, was deeply calling out for love.
From that experience, it produced new thoughts in me that I had never thought before. I began to create enemy images in my mind about these girls who were hurting me. In my need for protection, I began to say negative and hurtful things about them in my mind, because I was so hurt and didn’t know or have anyone to help me navigate that deeply heart-breaking experience. I felt scared and all alone, not knowing who I could trust.
Now as a grown wombyn and practicing the laws of Non-Violent Communication Consciousness and a Course in Miracles, I’m really looking at all the ways I have made up things about other people, thinking I know them to be a certain way, denigrating them down to a thing or object, and realizing over and over again:
*That anything that is not love, is an illusion
*That no one can be one thing, we are multi-dimensional beings, and that we are all navigating this 3D world in physical bodies the best we can
*That because we are multi-dimensional beings, we are everything. We are everything we criticize others for, and we are everything we are criticized for
*That we are responsible for not only our actions, but also our thoughts
*That nothing is static and everything and everyone is always changing. So whatever I am thinking about someone at any given moment is never the fullness of the truth of who they are because we are constantly evolving and transforming. Nothing and no one ever stays the same
*As my friend Zac Lyons said to me the other day, “We all have the right to update our story” I love that, it grants us all permission to release our mistakes and lack of love thinking and be who we are in the freshness of every new day, and every precious new moment
Above all else, I want to see from the lens of love. Above all else, I speak from the lens of love. Above all else, I want to hear from the lens of love. Above all else, I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, and I request you’d offer me that same love in return.
Above all else, I want love to win and believe in its ability to heal the disconnected, divisive, fear programming that was never ours to begin with.
Above all else, I want to see myself from the eyes of God, and I want to see you that same way too.
In Deep Devotion to the Spirit Path,