Posted on September 23, 2019
It’s my Birthday Month, woo-hoo!
Happy September beloveds, although we’ve officially moved into Libra, my Virgo energy has been coming in strong this month. As I reflect over the years I notice a pattern emerge around this time, a deeply ingrained and old way of being, the unhealthy Virgo.
Aspects of the unhealthy Virgo energy are perfectionism, hyper-control, rumination, all “up in the head” and this year hasn’t nearly been as strong as previous times, but I’ve been noticing my energy on lock in rigidity around certain things.
A big thing that’s been coming up for me is how I react when I’m triggered. I’ve been watching how my central nervous system revs up when it doesn’t like something (aka, doesn’t feel safe) and I go into fight-flight, or fear response. It is so damn quick, it’s ludicrous to see how fast I can go from calm to crazy. I’m laughing at myself now, seeing the humor in my ego’s primal reaction.
The ego is sooo tempting too. In the heat of a triggering event, I can feel that it is immensely important that I save myself by retorting back with some quick response that hasn’t been thought through and isn’t completely or even half of the truth of what I wanted to say. This quick response is usually accompanied by raising my voice and a sassy tone. Ugh, like what?! This is totally not who I am committed to being! So why am I showing up this way?
What I’m hearing from my Guides is that there is truly nothing wrong with this. The ego is designed to respond quickly and in this heightened way because it’s sole purpose is to save me from danger, so it does no purpose to be mad at my ego. After all, it’s only doing its job. But where the work lies is to know the difference of when I’m actually in danger and when I’m not, and 99.9% of the time, I’m not in any real danger.
Woo. Coming back to this realization is a big one to acknowledge. In doing so I’m seeing how much I’m living from a fear response and it’s outrageous. When we’re constantly in a state of survival, and bouncing back and forth between the parasympathetic (rest & digest) and sympathetic (fight-flight) it is so taxing to the heath of our bodies and state of our emotions.
The body of a human being is not meant to constantly be living in fear, we are not designed for that. Hence all the chronic illness in the world at this time, we’re not built to live in stress. Unfortunately this is what we’ve been taught and absorbed from our culture, but fortunately we’re not powerless.
In a very heightened state 2 weeks ago my dear friend and teacher Laura Wolf reminded me that I have control over my nervous system. That if I get triggered, it is me generating this activated response in my body, not the other person – EVEN THOUGH IT TOTALLY FEELS like it’s the other person doing it to me, it’s me.
Only I hold the power to decide how I respond, and I am the one creating this activated state. And when I’m in this activated state, nothing good, productive or fruitful can come from trying to “figure it out” with this other person. That the best thing I can do is change my energy. Take space, take a walk, call a friend, leave the triggering situation and calm my CNS down. Until I get myself back into my heart, I am not thinking straight.
Can you relate? What outrageous stuff does your ego do when it doesn’t feel safe? Let’s create a revolution of sweetly-laughing at our ego’s and embracing all their craziness, after all, they’re only trying to protect us.
With deep love and appreciation,